The Lonely Die

Let There Be Hell

Today is the anniversary, and I have no idea what I'm going to do.
Going to school seems like a waste since I'll be the one fighting the teacher and getting in trouble again.

May 9th. The date I'll always remember and the one I'll always want to forget.
Dad left for work at 3 am again still drunk from the night before.
It wasn't always like this.
Utopia and happiness used to fill this town, now it's a complete shit hole.

My birthday was a literal disaster. With dad walking in the front door telling me it was my fault and Benny sitting on the couch blowing out my birthday candle on the cupcake. Regretting celebrating your birthday on May 26, only a few weeks after her death.
Last year she threw a party at Danny's Diner with everyone we knew.

She always knew what I wanted, what I liked. Staring at myself in the bathroom mirror, I take a quick breath and head downstairs. I've got to toughen up if I'm going to live through high school.
The chant 'one more year' goes through my head as I see Benny's mom Rita cooking pancakes with Benny sitting on the counter top.

Benny sees me while stuffing her face with a pancake in her hand and her phone in the other.
"Morning sunshine, you look like shit".
She says through her stuffed mouth.
"Watch your dirty mouth Benny, and don't talk with your mouth full".
Rita smiles at me and places a blueberry pancake on the plate placed on the clothe covered table for four.

"We're going to be late, but thank you for the breakfast Mrs.Lee".
I thank her for the pancake and she nods her head before rolling her eyes at Benny who's eating presumably her fourth pancake."You'll get fat". She says and Benny just laughs, making me nervous as she could choke to death.

"C'mon we'll take my car Penny".
She jumps off the counter and gives her mom a kiss on the cheek before grabbing my hand and my bag.
Mrs.Lee and Benny live close to dad and I.
Even though we live in a pretty rural town, we still have neighbours of sorts.

I open the front door and begin walking towards her car while putting my bag on. Benny follows in suit.

"So, how'd you sleep P ?".

She's asked that question now at least 12 times since last Monday when I stopped telling her about my night terrors.
I'd find myself awake and shaking in the corner of my room while my dad would be pissed I woke him from his drunken blackouts.
"I slept fine". Was all I responded with.
She nods before looking at her car and opening the door.
I hop on the passenger's side and throw my bag in the back of her Chevy Malibu 1970.
It's a classic beauty and practically her child.

She begins the engine and backs out of the driveway. Turning on the radio, the station is playing All of Me by John Legend.
The face Benny makes is evidence she's not too impressed by the song selection, so she turns the knob a bit more and we hear Matchbox Twenty's 'She's So Mean'.

This completely changes her mood and makes her happy, signing along with the lead singer's vocals.
I on the other hand have never cared enough to learn the lyrics, but I can guarantee you if she knew that she'd make me recite them until they were the only thing I remembered.

"She likes to stay late at the party cuz the fun never ends !".

She screams the lyrics while we stop at a passing bus.
I look at the passengers and notice Nathaniel Lincoln.

We stare at each other for a good twelve seconds before they make a left turn into the lane beside us.
Funny how the main suspect for mom's death got off Scott free when his daddy paid the police off.
You'd at least expect some police officer to give a fuck about a mysterious death with a rich boy as the one person who had a motive to kill.
Or at least was rumoured to have a motive.
Sleeping around with your daughter's classmate. Real original, mom.

"Hey, stop staring at Nathan before he calls his dad for help. You could end up getting kicked out of school and it's just begun today".
I look at Benny and see her careful expression while examining my eyes.
Nodding, I look back to the road and notice the bus has gone already.

She takes a left and we're right behind the bus, trailing behind to get to school.

Twenty minutes later, we're parking the car in the parking lot.
Benny turns off the radio and grabs her bag before opening the car door.
I do the same and while opening the door am taken aback to see Daniel riding his bike with Chelsea.

Things really did change during the summer.

"Let's go".

I listen to Benny and jump out of the car with the bag in my left hand while closing the door with my right.
This year will be different.
I won't be the psycho who tried to kill herself.
I won't be the girl who accused her classmate of killing her mother.
I won't be her again. I can't be.

I walk beside Benny and she grabs my arm and intertwines ours together before whispering in my ear "Smile with your head high and walk all over these bitches. Don't give a shit what they have to say".
I smile at her and we begin walking into the school.
Aka my hell.