Author's Note: Sorry that it took me long to update let's just say I had a really bad week of school I get more work done on Fridays so here we go ^U^
Here I am thinking about that night. I wish I could tell him that I'm gay, but sadly I can't every where I go no one approves of who I am so why should he, just because he is bi doesn't make a difference.
"Carmen!" someone calls out to me and I loose my train of thought "Carmen wait up!" I find myself walking faster trying to get away but he grabs my hand and i'm forced to turn around.
"Oh hey Evan," I say trying to sound happy and kiss him on the cheek.
"Ummm what you need babe?" I say
"Oh you didn't hear me calling you?" he responded
I just shook my head and look at our hands enter wining and now I know I'm crying, he knows something is wrong and he pulls me close to him and I wrap my arms around his neck and sob into his shirt.
"I'm sorry baby, damn I knew we should've waited I didn't mean to-"
I cut him off " It's not your fault I asked for it" I should just tell him everything how I wanted to know how it felt with a guy, it's just wrong.
"But why"
"Because I... I'm.... look Evan I never going to be that girl you want me to be you can't love me because I can't love you I'm sorry," I kiss his cheek and walk off in sadness.
"Carmon," he runs after me and I feel him puling me gently, wiped a tear away and cupped my cheek "whatever it is Carmon we can work through it can't we?"
I nod and wipe my face and he hugs me like I'm the most precious thing in the world before I could get anything else out of my mouth my eyes follow a beautiful girl, I pull away from Evan and look at him.
"We should probably get to first period I'll be waiting at your locker okay babe'" he kisses my forehead and walks off.
I follow the girl and find her leaning against the school wall, I stand by her trying to think of what to say,
"Soo... you are new here right?" well that was an epic fail of course she is new.
"Umm yea I am nice snake bites," she says
I just smile and say "thanks you know I know a place that they can do it nice for you if you want to go i'll take you?"
"Oh no its ok I have mine but I didn't want to wear it instead I chose to wear my tongue piercing see," she sticks out her tongue and shows me her piercing I can't help but to bite my lip and just stare at her tongue, I can feel my own mouth watering wanting to get a taste.
"Ummm... hello are you there earth to umm?"
"Oh i'm Carmeon"
"The name's Ryder and you are, so what were you looking at?"
"Oh Sorry I was just looking at that tree you know I love nature"
"Well it's a very beautiful thing," she says with a smirk as she reaches over and puts my hair behind my ears, I couldn't help feeling how warm and gentle her touch is, she pulls me closer and licks my ear the sensation feels good I don't want her to stop.
"Mmm Ryder," I moaned out softly.
She stopped and laughed to herself personally I didn't know what was so funny, she wispers in my ear "you can't trust anyone I see you I know what you want, and it's very easy to take advantage of you and you just let anyone even a stranger like me." she walks off with a smile and I'm left there alone watching her shadow disappear. At first I can't move i'm just stunned by her words but then I find myself not wanting to move.
"I might as well miss first period," I say to myself but instead I take my ass to class.
"So everyone this is Ryder Macly I need someone to give her a tour of the school and sit next to her in each class," but no one raise their hand,
"Anyone-"
"Sorry I'm late Mr. Sure-man but I'm here I was.....," I trail off
"Save it Carmon instead of having detention you will have to give Ryder her a tour of the school and she must sit next to you in each class understood."
Why me trust me I would love the detention then take Ryder for a tour and to make my life hell i'll have to sit next to her. those words that she said to me hurt me deep, so I just nod my head and watch Ryder take my hand with a smile.
"What are you doing?" I whisper to her as she leads me to the back of the class room "I don't sit here we should go to where I sit," pointing to the two seat open by Evan.
"Shhh I like sitting at the back," she says with a soothing voice.
as we sit down Evan turns to me and gives me a look I just shrug and opened my book when Ryder tapped my shoulder.
"Hey I don't a text book yet so I can I look on with you?"
I just nod and move my desk close to hers, we were way too close but I like being near her unlike Evan I feel like she is a part of me. ughh curse my lesbian thoughts, our hands touch and I know I'm blushing she looks at me and gives me a hard cold look, and I put my head down and go to sleep, but I am waken by the fire alarm, I force myself up and walk to the back of the line when I feel and hand tugging me. I turn around and it's Evan as the line goes he pulls my into the teachers closet.
"What hell do you think your doing we have to-"
he thinks he just cut me of by kissing me. as he lets my grasp for air he holds me and whispers "I just want a moment alone with you babe."
"That's great and all but you know this might be a real-" I'm cut off by the closet door opening and it's Ryder!
"The teacher wants your two sorry asses in line," she says with a smirk "well not really but you better come along before he really asks for the two of you."
she wasn't even mad just a little, I don't know what her feelings to me are but I feel there's something there I guess I'll never know what Ryder and I can be in the future. since I'm deep down in a depression I lean on even for support and grasps his hand tightly following Ryder to our line.
Sorry that this is short it will be longer next time hope you enjoyed reading it there's more to come ^U^
