TW: references to self-harm
Hello there!
I wrote this fan-fiction when I was 12, about 7 years ago now. At that time, I had fallen into a culture that encouraged and reinforced physical pain manifestations of depression. The romanticization of self-harm greatly impacted my development and still affects me to this day.
I've been grappling with the idea of whether I should remove this, if this even has an impact if I should say anything. But I know what this culture did to me, and I don't want to be the cause of this for anyone else. The romanticization of depression permeates society: 13 Reasons Why, Euphoria, Tumblr, Wattpad, etc. I don't want to contribute to that pain any more than I already have.
I am not the same person I was when I made this account and wrote this. I want to apologize to anyone who read this, thinking it was just a harmless story - it was not. It was a reflection and justification for my pain. I was naive, and I'm still learning every day. My naivety hurt people, and I have to live with that.
With all that being said, I've removed all of the chapters of this fan-fiction.
This is not to shame you if you are in this culture - it is incredibly easy to fall victim to the cycle of reinforcement. It is not easy to live with mental illness, and your feelings are valid, but they should not be romanticized. This is cliche to say, but please reach out to a trusted friend/adult/person; I did, and it saved my life.
If you are reading this, my one hope is that you are kind to yourself today. It is hard to exist in the world, but if we are kind and nurturing one day at a time, we'll get through this. And don't be afraid to ask for help; you are worthy of love and life.
Here are some mental health resources
https://mentalhealthhelpsite.carrd.co
Instead of using the time, you would've to read one of the chapters of my 12-year-old writing, take a guided breather:
Anyways, I wish you all the best,
J
