Waiting on Him

Waiting on Him {6}

GUYS THAT'S BRENNER ^^^^^

<~Rae's POV~>

Brenner is pulling me towards the gates of school. I continuously giggle and he still is not telling me where we're going. We're in the very back of the school and the gates are open like always. We looked at each other and he gives me his award-winning smile. He asks me "Are you thinking what I'm thinking" I simply just smile.

The rain starts pouring down again so we decide to go under the roof so we won't get drenched anymore than we already are. I'm leaning up against the wall and he's up against me are faces only inches apart. In this moment I forget all about Caysen Rivers and that's the feeling I need to have for the rest of my life but I don't know if Brenner can give me that feeling forever. I really hope so. Some moments Brenner makes me forget all about Caysen. Then there's other moments that Caysen is the only one that's on my mind. Brenner closes his eyes. He looks a little disappointed as if he knew what was going through my mind. He takes a deep breath then looks me in the eyes.

"Can I kiss you?"

I am a little astonished at the question and it only takes a few seconds for me to answer.

" As long as there's no feelings behind it" I said knowing that there is.

"Why... Why can't there be feelings?"

"Because it's better to feel nothing at all then to feel everything so deeply and risk getting hurt.."

"What is matter with a risk?"

"Risks terrify me, it is better to play it safe then to take risks and get hurt. I cannot stand taking risks because now every time I take one I am afraid that the same thing will happen to me again I'm afraid of opening up and I think every time I take the risk that I'll get destroyed just like the first time. So I no longer take any risks I no longer have any feelings. Feelings ruin things they ruined me... he ruined me"

"I just want to know one question Rae"

I'm nod my head waiting for him to continue

"Are you still in love with him?"

I let a tear running down my face as I try to answer that for myself. I always ask myself this question but I can never answer it and every time I do try and answer it it turns out a different result every time.

"I'm not in love with him anymore but I'm still not completely over him. I would never ever ever in a million years go back to him but I can't seem to let him go he disgusts me and I hate him but..." I wait a little.

"But I'm afraid of everything else...I don't want to start over again I keep running back to him because he is the only one I have grown comfortable with, I don't want to start over I don't want to start new. I want to be with you but I need time, I need time to let go and it's going to be hard and we're going to have to work at this everyday, I don't want to jump into us too quickly and me back out because I get scared because that happens way too often with me and that's why I turned off my feelings for everyone except him and I think that's why I continuously get hurt by him and only him."  I say crying.

 He nods his head and takes and everything that I just said. He frowns a little and then smiles. He rests his head on my shoulder. I lift his head up with my hands and look at him in his eyes... He has very beautiful eyes. There a mix of grey and blue and a hint of green... it reminds me of a rainy day. I move my eyes down to his lips. He notices me staring but doesn't do anything. A smile creeps up on his lips and he backs away. He turns around and starts walking... I'm confused as if I should follow him because he is walking back onto school campus. I yell after him.

"What are you doing?"

he turns around and smirks "...going to class" he says it as if it's the most obvious thing on the planet. I roll my eyes at him and walk to class with him. Our classes are next to each other for fourth period. I turn to him and go to give him a hug, except he just opened the door and walked right in. I'm a little astonished at the decision but I just shake my head and walk into my class.

~

Lunch rolls around and I wait for Brenner, but he never shows. Instead I go with my other friends Mackenzie and Carlie. I hug them and they hug me back but they stay silent which is weird.

"Is everything okay?" I asked genuinely concerned. 

We're not really best friends but we're really good friends, but of course we were closer to each other before me and Andrea became best friends. Mackenzie takes a deep breath and grabs my hands.

"Raelyn we need to talk"

I nod my head for her to continue.

"We understand that you and Caysen have had a past but why are you stopping him and Andrea from being together we are here for you and you need to let him go so that he can move on with his life you are driving a wedge between him and Andrea and Andrea is really hurt by it."

My mouth dropped open in shock I yell a little too loudly "Are you kidding me!!!"

I explain to Mackenzie that I have nothing to do with Andrea's life nor Caysens and they can do whatever they want and she needs to stop blaming me for them to not being together because I have nothing to do with neither of them. Mackenzie finally seems to understand my point of view and she apologizes for accusing me before asking. We go get our lunch, I get the normal burrito and bag of chips except this time I give them away because I don't want to eat although I'm starving I just can't bring myself to consume any more food I already feel fat enough.

~

Lunch ends and I make my way to the last class of the day. I have this one with Brenner. In the hallway I get dirty looks from a lot of people. I'm a little confused because even my close acquaintances don't say hi anymore, I go into the bathroom because i'm starting to freak out a little. I walk into the bathroom and go to the mirrors, in the mirror next to me stands one of my good friends Sheri. I smile at her but she rolls her eyes. I want to ask what I did but instead I keep my mouth shut. I start walking out of the bathroom and I hear her comment "slut" I turned around to say something then decide I better not. I run out the bathroom and go straight into class. I sit down at my desk and put my head down. I'm laying my head down when someone walks by me and kicks my backpack. I look up and see that it was some girl I barely know in my class. WTF!  

Brenner walks right by me and sits down in the seat Mrs.Pike gave him, it happens to be right across from me. I look at him but he doesn't make eye contact with me once.

~

The bell rings and I take the bus home instead of riding with Brenner. I don't know what happened today but I have a feeling he doesn't want to talk to me. 

Helloooooo chickas!!!  So some crazay shiz happened in this chapter, hopefully it made some sense to you guys but ya I left y'all at a cliff hanger. Wait so Brenner & Rae?! WHATTT maybe not..... after what happened. I lowkey keep forgetting Rae has crutches after she broke her leg ugh it's annoying!