Everyone seems to think I live this "perfect" life, but if only they knew. They admire the fake and are ignorant to my reality.
It all started when I flashed back at my past. I had this fixed mentality of what was wrong and right. I didn't notice I was abused because I thought I deserved it. Every time I made a mistake ( which was to be expected considering the fact that I was a child ) I was "punished." Beaten with everything and anything available. Whenever I did good but " not good enough " as my mother said, I was told I was stupid, useless, worthless and would never amount to anything. I was belittled, my confidence stolen even before it could develop.
It didn't help either that I was born deformed. I was different and I didn't notice till later on in life. As I grew people started to judge and it got worse when I started high school. I met people who judged me without knowing who I was.
" Bitch... attention seeker... wanna be..." all the names I was called without knowing how I really felt. They thought I was confident, ambitious and self conserved because I isolate myself from the rest, little did they know that I was the exact opposite.
Confidence, self respect and ambitious were all qualities I longed for. Qualities I wasn't able to develop no matter how hard I tried because of my past. Although I could manipulate everyone into thinking I was who they saw, I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried, fool myself.
I knew who I was, or at least I thought I did
