Her Downfall

I don't know if love is blind or so as Cupid.

Why did Cupid shoot only one person instead of two? Did he unintentionally do that sometimes? It hurts when he shoot someone but not the other one. Love hurts when it's not reciprocated.

And out of the billions of people in the whole wide world, why does that someone have to be me?

Forget about that chubby renaissance baby! Here's this one sentiment as to why I've been getting fucked up all along.

I can't make him love me.

It's crazy. I've always laughed when they say that girls like good guys but always end up falling for the bad guy. Like, seriously? Who would ever love to get attached to the bad guys? Before, I swear I would never be one. Now, it's a bitter pill to swallow.

I fell for the wrong one. And I don't even know if he'll ever be the right one.

I'm Mika and this is my sad story.

He's cold. Short replies, witty retorts, deep soothing voice... Those were just few of the things that I first liked about him. Before, everything about him screams 'niggah'. He was just someone I met over the internet. But now, he was not just someone. He became that someone I think I could never live without.

Too melodramatic isn't it? Not until we get to the peak.

I'm smiling and I'm fine. I say I can manage – I'm that tough. I said I can do things and I need no one. I was never in pain, I've said that. And I'm a big fat liar. I'm a great pretender. Until he came...

I never felt dependent on someone nor reliant on someone for my own sake of happiness. He made me feel that way.

Matthew. He seldom talks nor says long sentences. Curiosity is always killing me. His cold façade wants me to know more about him. When I first know about him, he tends to shut people out because he always speaks less. I always have this feeling that I should let him pour out his feelings and say much but I always end up telling everything about me to him instead.

Maybe it's true that mysterious guys are really attractive. Haha. I initiated conversations just to be friends with him! It's a tough stir to make – making the first move! Girls don't usually do the first move but hey! I am just being friendly here. Unconsciously, I was trying to gain his trust.

Why the hell would I do that?! Realizations dawned on me. I wanted to be close to him. He may have the stonehearted aura but I must admit that I can see some light in him.

Time passed and I know that he likes my company as well. If he didn't, why would he talk to me until now if he could have dumped me in the beginning? We stayed up all night chatting over Facebook, not to mention, he replies after couples of minutes. In short, even though he replies at a snail's pace, I never failed to wait for it.

He became my talking and breathing freaking diary. Every day, I've longed to talk with him about the things that happened with me through the day. I already get used to his short replies but it doesn't matter anymore. The stonehearted talk to me and it's a pleasure.

I read his texts over and over again. I am me when I'm chatting with him – jolly, bad-mouthed, out-going, loud, and fearless girl. I am always frank. I used to think that he knows a lot about me more than my friends do. I told him my preferences, future plans, anything under the sun. It's easy making heart-to heart talks with him because he's straightforward. I love his 'I told you so', I know it'll happen', 'trust me', and every encouraging or discouraging words he would say.

Eventually, I fell in love with that gangster sort of a man, err – chat mate.

There were symptoms when you've been bitten by the love bug: I smile sheepishly like a fool whenever I think of him. My heart beats fast when he started to become all I can think about. His name is on the top of my mind whenever I hear love and slow songs.