What It Means To Hurt Inside

As a kid

When I was a kid life was really hard. My family was very poor. I have three sisters and a dead brother. My little heart tried to stay happy but it was hard. My sisters hated me. Once my sister tried to sell me. A different time she fed me and my little sister pills and almost killed us. I spent a week in the hospital because of it. I have always had stomach problems so I went to the doctor a lot. I was different in my family but I didn't know it then. I do now though and it makes things hard. My parents treated me differently well not anymore. I was the kid no one liked. School was fun, until I found out no one really liked me. That behind my back i was hated. I started to fear people. Then one day me, my mom, and my little sister were coming home from school. Then we got hit bad. Cops and the whole gun pow came. They took my mom away from us. We soon got pick up by my uncle. We had no clue what was going on. From that day on my moms life have sucked. She has had been cut open over six times. She can't breath on her own so she has a oxygen tank and tube at all times. She has back problems and many others. And I was there the day it started. To this day my heart is still broken. Then I got cut open because of my stomach and nose. The time they did my nose they dint let my see my parents no matter how loud I cried. They still snot what wrong with me. Then I found out i can't see my dads part of the family because they stole from us. I don't remember what they look like. Then in third grade I lost all of my friends but one. I was really lonely. So I made more and they are great. Unless they fight because they do that a lot. I still was that poor kid that everyone hated. I had to get used to it so to this day I fear rich people. Then I got older and had to face the real world. And I FUCKING HATE IT.

2014-2016
Now I hated everything people,school,work,myself, and more. I had became very depressed and full of anxiety as well. Life sucked. Then I found that I was good at art. I loved anime, Youtube, Homestuck, and other nerdy things. My and one of my sisters fell in love with cosplaying and going to conventions. Going to my first comic con I meet my group of friends, trash. They make me feel normal. They make me smile, laugh, cry, and a whole lot more. They all have kinda sad stories too. One has no one to care for him. His mom was really bad so they can't see each other. His dad moved away and left him with his uncle. One other one has a sister who had a hole in her heart. So her mom set her up for adoption. They dint even know each other. That's only two out of 11 of us emo nerds. Then things went far down hill. My depression got worse. I started to cut and think about death. I cried every night at three a.m. I got no sleep so school sucked. Then the school found out I cut and took away my scissors and I can't go to the bathroom alone. I cry in the bathroom once a week at school. My school hates me. So we spray painted a pentagram on the roof of it. Its a Christian school by the way. They wont let me dye my hair fun colors. And I have a uniform. It sucks dick. So school is really hard for me so I may chance schools soon. But one day I met the love of my life, Kendall. She's really pretty but not many people know we are dating. P.s I am bi. She's really nice. But life still sucks. Some days I tie myself to my bed so I don't jump out the window. Trash helps me a lot but my friends at school dint like them. I dont know what to do. I think if it comes down to it trash. It hurts to know I am human inside. I am going to lots of conventions with trash. We meet up almost every day. My parents hate me being emo but FUCK them this is me, emo is a label like every thing else in the world. They think its making my life worse......FUCK YOU PARENTS I AM MYSELF. Soon in going to see Andy Black can't wait for front row. I most likely will be updating this so see you later >:) <}3 }:) :o) LOVE DEATH AND HOPE.