Ari

Unedited Chapter - Critique Please!

This is the unedited, first chapter or so of my new book, "Ari", for my fans to read and critique. Please feel free to leave some constructive criticism whilst I get the creative juices flowing! 

 My first book, "Until it All Changed" is PG 13, however, "Ari" WILL be classified as mature due to strong language, sexuality, and other mature themes.

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Ari's feet slid across the forest floor like lightning as she ran, her long red locks whirling behind her in the wind. With a loud CRACK, Ari slammed, face first into a very large tree. ~Argh!~ she cried aloud, pounding her small fists into the tree. The tree instantly cracked in half, each side hitting the ground with a loud THUMP. Ari's face immediately broke into a goofy grin, her long, elongated fangs protruding just below her upper lip. You see, Ari was a vampire.. but.. by god, she was probably one of the ditziest vampires you'd ever meet. She was the odd duck out when it came to her more brooding, serious counterparts, but Ari managed to pull it off quite nicely. Her nostrils flared as the scent of similar creatures nearby wafted. Instinctively, she began to run again, quickly making her way to the source of the scent. Ari reached a large home near the outskirts of the forest. As she reached the large doorway, she took a moment to admire it's beauty before knocking once, twice, and a third time for good measure. Ari stood and awaited an invitation.

His eyes fluttered open as three loud knocks rang throughout the castle. His ears perked ever so slightly, and he snapped his long fingers, allowing the large brass doors to swing open. "Come in, my dear!" he shouted, letting out a maniacal cackle. Rau, the mad king of this tiny village, was a demon unlike any other. Long, black wings sprouted from his shoulder blades, talons hung from his elongated pitch black fingers, his torso was bare, covered in intricate tattoos from his many milennias on this Earth, his entire body had to stretch far above seven feet tall, causing him to hunch his back forwards, his face, however, his face was a beauty to behold. His features were almost delicate, and his silver eyes were comparable to moonlight, or so he'd been told. His mind, however, was just as ill put together as his body seemed. He'd been mad as a hatter for centuries, and in fact, he'd earned that namesake among his subjects. The Mad Hatter King, they called him. He didn't mind, being sane was for the boring, he would say. His eyes snapped towards the entryway to the throne room as the sound of heels clacking against the stone floor grew closer.

She made her way down the long hallway, following the scent of the creature whom this abode belonged to. Ari struggled to keep her balance in the deep burgundy heels she had become so accustomed to, and as she twirled down the hallway, a loud THWACK rang out as she smacked into the intricately designed entryway. Letting out a howl that sounded much more like a cackle, she whirled around to face the creature. As she examined the room, her cheeks flushed as she quickly realized that this was indeed the throne room of a king. "Oh, um.." she began, struggling to find the right words. "Your Majesty, I apologize, I was just passing through, and I caught your scent and.. umm.." Oh dear lord. Caught your scent?! Stalker, much? She sighed, and attempted a slight curtsy, swiftly managing to lose her balance, toppling over, landing right on her arse directly in front of the throne. "OOF!" With that, she let out a nervous laugh and tried her very best to sink into the hard stone floor.