I recount my days inside the nut house or the correction centre, or as the monkey-faced reformist do-gooders who ran it liked to call it; the rehabilitation centre. Those were troubled times. I was never one for the hard shit, and I was lucky too, as I would later find out.
So without indulging in heroin, cocaine, or any of the dangerously addictive substances, I managed to end up inside. Probably because, I had turned into a raging alcoholic, and the combination of occasional snorts of street level brown sugar, something I liked to call 'catalysts' or 'triggers', were fast turning me into an indifferent vegetable. In fact, I even forgot my examination, and got the dates mixed up.
It seems natural that drunkenness offers a perfectly acceptable and obvious explanation for missing an examination outright. In such a scenario, getting the exam dates mixed up can also prove to be counterproductive, and appears on the addict's part, as the ideal excuse to go out and enjoy the booze. An accusation I found quite hurtful; and unfortunately one, I turned true by my own actions.
It always baffled me, and it still does sometimes. I wonder whether I would have been able to guarantee turning up to the exam even in a sober state. Though, the nature of the mistake seemed harmless, it was anything but; noting down an incorrect date can happen to anyone, and being a dithering sauced up loudmouth, although detrimental to one's chances, is sadly not conclusive evidence that a mix-up of dates is indeed bound to happen.
The day of the examination in question, I remember calling my friend up to ask him if he needed a ride to the exam centre. "Where were you yesterday?" he asked me. All I could do was feel helpless and stupid. I wanted to smash the bottle of rum that I was holding. It was the 'prize' of tiredness, the reward of stress, to be had after the examination. This was probably the first time, I faced the consequences of my drunkenness, but I could never be sure whether it was the booze or whether it was my own careless attitude that was the culprit.
Looking back I feel, missing the examination cannot be simply ascribed to the alcohol, or even the occasional whiff of the smack. In fact, I am not even sure that being clean would have avoided the situation, a fact that the absolved reformer Dr. Gauti played upon, and quite shrewdly. He would enthusiastically reiterate the incident to put me down when I insisted that I had reformed or recite it to my parents to further the need for rehabilitation, as and when needed.
Initially, the 'blackout' and its associated repercussions made for some interesting sessions. However, soon the monotony of reading about the exploits of the alcoholic and the inevitable black outs would conclude most of the morning sessions. An hour's discourse on blackouts usually followed the session, and it went on until lunch. Yet again, as if to mock our patience in what many believed to be a clear case of 'rubbing it in', the post lunch sharing session would conclude our daily spiritual reawakening with a soul 'searching' and 'fearless' inventory of our very own black outs. A regime designed to educate even the most thick-skinned ignorant no-hopers.
Some people lied, which was really odd, making their condition out to be worse than it actually was, the poor sods who believed that they had been initiated into some macabre parody of a reality TV show. What they failed to realise was this got them nowhere, and they only played into the hands of the reform-minded enthusiasts who would in turn recount such incidents to frighten their family and make the most of the situation.
Rehab is more than an elaborate ruse, where under the garb of reform, quick-minded and cunning entrepreneurs mint money and garner public good will. In a country like India, where treatment is forced upon addicts, a rehab, sadly, solves anything but its true purpose. Time in rehab accounts at precious 'detoxification time' for the average Indian addict, who in most cases goes back to the drink, as the reformists forcefully add, 'with a vengeance'.
Though, there were many who have straightened out and continue their path of sobriety even with forced rehabilitation, many others would concur with the wild accusation above. In this case however, the ones who agree would mostly constitute the 'regular re-visitors' or the repeat offenders.
