Sincerely Yours

Chapter 1-Truth

     I had to fight for what I felt was right. With  the piercing yelps that reached my ears, I could not act indifferent. The day was a scolding hot June in my hometown, Philadelphia. By evening, when the temperature subsided, I attacked a man.
      The man was not harmless. Unless sexual harassment is a just act, he could never be innocent.  The damage of his sin was not inflicted upon me, but that did not mean I was going to keep quiet. There was no telling what he had managed to do prior to my involvement.
       Across Michael Street, when
I overheard the incident, I was with my older brother Carlos. We were walking from a grocery store to drop off produce we had purchased.  From my peripheral vision, I saw a red vehicle jolting up and down.
      Just as we were about to turn, I decided to discern what was going on. My stomach was churning uncomfortably with what I suspected the movements to be. A young girl was inside-bawling nonstop. Carlos was oblivious to all from the moment in which I decided to take action. I swiftly reached the car and knocked harshly on its glass, until an older male stepped out.
       "What do you want?" He asked with a snarl.
       My response did not register from my lips, but from my fists. Soon enough, Carlos yelled at me to stop when color that matched the car had stained my hands. Tears streamed from my face when I begged him to save her.
     "Hey, you okay?" a familiar voice asked.
       Nadlan's hazy memory faded when she heard the voice of her blue eyed therapist. The familiarity of her caramel skin and doe eyes comforted her. That and the array of lighted candles brought her to the present.
       "I remember now, Donna." Nadlan quietly stated.
         With that, she described her recollection of what she considered the moral thing to do. Throughout the duration of the session, silence was maintained on her therapist's end, until Nadlan finished.
         "Do you feel you could have handled the situation in a different way?" Donna asked, absorbed with what her patient had just told her.
       "Yes, I could have," Nadlan nodded, "but I did not want anything more...extreme to have taken place for her."
        "Were you afraid of getting hurt?"
         "No. I was more afraid if the girl was going to. Is our...time up?" She asked in worry.
        "No, we have five more minutes. Do you regret anything?"
      With Nadlan's eyes focused on the furry magenta carpet, she finally directed them towards Donna. The light of the violet scented candles in the room illuminated her sharp, sculpted cheekbones as she spoke.
     "I'm sorry, but what kind of a question is that?"
         "I ask so I can understand you the best way I can."
          "If rape can be prevented, it should. No matter what. You can take it from me." It was then that Donna sensed her genuine concern through Nadlan's clear gray eyes.
            "I agree with doing whatever it took to help her, but y'know what?"
        Suddenly, Donna caught her attention again. She reverted her vision to her attentive therapist.
          "Confronting that man the way you did was extremely brave. I want you to know that what you did was heroic in more ways than you'd think."
            "That's very kind of you to say, but what I did wasn't-not completely."
            "Why do you say that?" Donna asked as her angular brows scrunched together in curiosity.
            "I knew that I had to be there for her, because my "hero" never showed up. That made my actions selfish. Because I...." she sighed, "wanted one when...I was raped."
       Nadlan's response was just a whisper when she revealed her past for the second time in her life. Donna handed her a box of tissues, to which she politely rejected with hand motions. Blood felt as if it was rushing away from her head, when she positioned her head between her knees.
              "Nad-"
              "I need a moment, please." She pleaded in a cracked voice.
          Seconds passed when she sat back up. Her Hispanic accent was prominent in her speech, especially when raw, bottled up emotions bursted within her.
              "I am fine, sorry. It's hard talking about it."
              "The way you feel is completely normal...it helps to talk about it. Trust me, It's okay to cry." Donna comforted.
               Nadlan shrugged with a grin, "I am here to get professional help."
       "Exactly, know I am always here for you. You have been through so much pain-which you've handled so maturely."
      "Thank you. Again, I am so sorry if I take some time to recall all of it."
       " No worries, please take your time. What else do you remember?"
      " Well....I had a safe place, back in Philly."
        "What was it like up there?"
         "It had a piece of my heart, which is why I am not sure of whether I should go back."
        Donna paused as she began to speak.  "What is stopping you then?"
          "It's just...me, I guess." She shook it off, "I have to leave soon, has our session ended?" 
     "Yes, we will have to continue on that note for next time."
           "You sure?"
   "Yes, hun ," she confirmed peering at her fancy Invicta watch, "but I have one more question for you."
      " Sure."
        " Is your reaction the reason why you finally spoke about being abused to your mother?"
        "Yeah... I realized that the guy who got to me, may have gotten to another child. Take the girl in the car, for example."
        "Everyday, people do terrible things to themselves, to each other. That is why you have to stay kind, keepin' your ground. No matter what. Take care of yourself, before you take the time to assist others. I hope to see you again." Donna advised, the tang of the local accent ringing in her voice.
        "You too, thanks for hearing me out." She waved as she slung her purse onto her shoulder.
       It was three o'clock in the afternoon.  At this point, five minutes were given to catch her daily bus back home. The last time she missed it, a thirty minute wait stood in her way of being on time.  For that reason, haste was not waste in matters of public transportation. Duty called for the all days of the week, with exception to her Saturdays.  High school ended at twelve fifteen in the PM, here in Jersey, at least.
         In less than a minute, she jogged to her bus stop. When the bus arrived, she hopped on and took a seat in the back, where the air conditioner could not reach her. Did these drivers not understand the meaning of chilly? She zipped her black leather jacket up higher as she thought of the requirements her potential colleges expected of its students. Senior year had just begun and talk of college swarmed the atmosphere.
            She sighed and decide to ignore the impending responsibilities of adult life. Success was her main priority, but for the time being she wished to hear music.  Nadlan rummaged through her purse to find her white ear buds and plugged them into her phone. After inserting them into her ears, she scrolled down to hear some R&B. The bus unexpectedly jerked on a deep crevice in the road. Rides on the bus were typically bumpy.
               'Seven more minutes.' she mentally noted, reading the time on her phone screen.
              As Nadlan looked up, the bus came to a halt, two blocks across from where she lived.  Zillow Avenue's blue sign signaled that it was her time to exit the bus and walk. She reached into her denim pockets for some cash.
             " Thanks." She idly said, handing the bus driver a dollar fifty. Walking went by much quicker than the bus ride, she noticed as her apartment building was in sight. Tomorrow was when she would have to help organize advertisements for her school's newspaper club. There was no question about it being more enjoyable when people actually attended.
               As she approached her building, she grabbed her keys from her bag, putting
her earbuds away. She went up its steps before reached the door. Nadlan routinely opened the building's front door, and went through the tedious process of unlocking it, to reach her family's apartment. From a three foot distance, she could make out sounds of Carlos struggling with the front door of their home.
            Boisterous sounds were being reflected off of the walls inside the rooms. One neighbor lived beside the Villafuente family. Their neighbor was a Hispanic male named Pablo, who very often returned in an intoxicated state. Surprisingly enough, the noises for once boomed more loudly from her door. Her mother seemed to be home, which explained all the ruckus.
        Sunday was a therapy day-home would always be vacant around 3:40. It was strange that Carlos came two hours before his shift ended. He worked long hours and was a very dedicated worker. Carlos had told his sister he was interning for a pharmaceutical profession, which would eventually pay a good deal of money.
          "Leave the door open!" she said loud enough for her sibling to hear.
           "Hi Nadlan." Carlos casually greeted his little sister.
      " Hi. Why home so early?" Nadlan asked, as she helped him carry two heavy bags of milk gallons.
         "Wait," he paused suddenly, "you seriously don't know?"
         "I don't, but will you tell me?"
  "You'll see."
       If anything, her and her younger sister Maddie would go and buy the groceries together. They put the gallons of two percent milk in the refrigerator located to the left of all their kitchen appliances. He began washing the raspberries, cherries, mangoes, and papayas while she would skin the appropriate fruit with her acquired cooking skills.
             "Is this something I should find out about later?" She persisted.
             He replied with a discreet, "Maybe."
            Mrs. Villafuente suddenly stepped inside the kitchen with a cheeky grin on her face. Maddie was of course, her shadow, whom carried what looked like a pastry of some kind. It could not be the kind that her family bought from their local bakery. The lid had glitter and superglued rhinestones-that Maddie had superglued  to them years back.
         "Hey Mom, how was work?"
          "It was so busy, but we all came early because..." She began.
         Despite her open ended statement, Nadlan continued to only peel the papayas and mangoes. She was almost finished -and wanted to get started on Calculus homework she had procrastinated on. All she needed to do was look up, to know what Carlos was implying earlier.
          "Naddie!" Maddie called impatiently.
           Nadlan looked up at her little sister, holding a lighter in her left hand and candles in her right. For a slight second, she was temporarily unaware as to why. When realization hit her, she painfully smiled.
            "Oh brother." She groaned.
            "Happy eighteen mija!" They all congratulated.
            "Thanks guys." Nadlan replied, almost flustered.
         Her family broke into song until her ears felt sore enough. A knock on their chipped grey door came to their attention. Everyone was home, so her family may have ordered her favorite pizza. Pizza delivery was kind of expensive, but that was more than likely who was at the door. Carlos was the closest to it, but would not budge. It was safe to assume he was being lazy.
        "Open the door Nadlan." Her mother said in Spanish.
         She sensed it was another surprise, but she could not put her finger as to what. 'might as well' she thought with anticipation. She was subconsciously hoping it to be someone other than the pizza guy. To think of it, there was a point in  her childhood where she actually cared for junk food. She now only saw it as a way to deteriorate her teeth.
           With patience, she unfastened the intricate lock set of the entrance to their apartment. It swung open, revealing her next present. To her, it was the best one yet.
          "Miss Villafuente?" Her other half playfully asked.
            "Franco?"
          It had been two stressful weeks since they had seen each other in person. They did not live far from each other, but were always occupied. Frank had different aspirations, stressful shifts, and did not have any classes with Nadlan. For those fourteen days, they called each other as much as possible.
         She could not see anyone but him. Deep down, she sensed he was in the same boat. What Nadlan could never be fully aware of how exactly he felt towards her. Only time would tell. Frank enveloped her in a tight embrace, breaking her thoughts. His pheromones were unsurprisingly intoxicating. 'Reality, Nadlan ' She thought reluctantly as she pulled away.
          "How have you been?"  He asked, serious as can be.
           "Alright, but I'm very happy to see you right now."
          "I've missed you Nadlan."
          "I've missed you too Frankie. Come in, the hall must be freezing." She suggested.
          He laughed a soft laugh at his nick-name. It was because he did not mind, there was no reason to.  He wore a padded grey jacket with his usual torn jeans.  As he took off his thin coat, she wondered how he did not contract pneumonia. She shut the door closed.
      "You have to start wearing more sweaters or you are going to get sick!" Her mother warned.
      "I will, I'm waiting for my check."
        "Listen man,", Carlos explained, "You need to buy more as soon as you can."
        "Alright. I will, no worries." Frank agreed with a nod.
        "Come on, let's cut the cake!" Madelyn pressured.
         "Okay Maddie." Nadlan gave up, already startled enough by the throwing of a party for the occasion.
          "Your favorite." Her mother smiled as she set the desert on their table.
        They all gathered around after Nadlan gave her thanks. Frank went by his girlfriend's side before they were about to sing. That was something else she noticed, his staying beside her constantly. Whether it was  a phone call or a simple text, he would be there.
          "Is Alexis coming?" Nadlan whispered to Frank.
          "I don't think so. Would she be here by now?" He asked in curiosity.
           "Hey you should check out the cake!" Carlos interrupted.
          "Okay big brother let's see what we got...." Maddie said.
         The plastic lid covering the mystery cake would not budge as Maddie attempted to bust it open. Carlos soon enough intervened and struggled with the lid as well. 'Uh oh, Mom screwed it too tight...' Nadlan internally sighed. She then reached for the container, before Maddie could get to it.
          "Here, push down on the edges." Nadlan guided him, the lid loosening instantly.
           When she successfully removed the lid, she peeked at its contents. It really was her favorite, red velvet. The cake was enticing with vanilla icing, a small side of strawberries around it. It was huge, but she could not be more content. Her mother seldom baked or cooked, especially after Nadlan had learned how to.
         "Madelyn, your hands are full, you should empty them before you try to open things." her mother said.
           "Okay Mamá.", she sighed, impaling her sister's cake with two candles.
            As soon as Maddie tried to light them, Carlos snatched the green lighter out of her hands. He carefully pushed its button, as the flame transferred to each candle. Nadlan noticed they were individual digits of her age. She was officially freed from the restrictions of a minor.
           "Go, make a wish." Carlos insisted.
            After Nadlan beamed, she came closer to her cake. It took her a second to come up with a wish...it was the most basic desire or yearning anyone could hope for. She was going to follow Donna's advice. 'It's okay, this is for me....', she reminded herself, before shutting her eyes closed.
            'Happiness.' She hoped before blowing out the candles.
           Everybody clapped and cheered to another blessed day. If only Alexis were there. The evening would have been complete, though it could have used another one of her close friends-Lisa. Neither were responding to Nadlan's calls, not even an occasional text. Frank strode into the kitchen to grab a slicer from one of its drawers. He returned with five paper plates and the medium sized knife.
            "How much, Nadlan?" Her boyfriend asked.
             "About a quarter would be good...thanks bebe."
          Her cut cake was placed on a paper plate with cartoon character designs. It was obviously left over from Maddie's seventh birthday party the previous year. Nadlan did not mind at all, for the Kim Possible themed plates brought her mind to simpler times. Philly was where she truly felt the most peace.
          "Your sister first!" Mrs. Villafuente slapped Carlos' hand away, as he slyly licked the icing of the cake from his fingers.
          "Okay I will start and then you guys can go ahead and eat." Nadlan laughed as her mother handed her a huge spoon full of velvet cake.
           If it weren't for her efficient metabolism, she admittedly would not have been able to lose weight.  The attachment she had to takeout proved that to be true. Egg rolls and lo-mein were always going to be comfort food. Hours passed, when Frankie had to leave soon. She really needed to get a start on her homework.
           "It's six o clock." she reminded him.
           "Oh yeah, I will call you right when I get home."
            "Here, I'll walk you out."
           " Alright bebe. Bye guys!"
          "See you honey, come back anytime!" Her mother told Frank.
            "I will, take care!"
             "See ya, man." Carlos said as he gave Frank a handshake.
            "Yeah, see you man."
         They shook hands before Frank hooked his arm to Nadlan's as he followed her to the door. He closed it when they had reached the chilly hallway outside. Pablo was not back yet, even though he usually returned by that hour.  It was better if he didn't, anyways. It was.... strange enough the last time.
         "Thank you for coming, Frankie."
          " Anytime. It's your birthday and I had been wanting to come over. If it weren't for everything, I would have visited sooner."
          "You had perfect timing. I...know you try to see me when you can." She understood as their hands intertwined.
          "I do try." He sighed as he leaned in to kiss her.
            "Wait," she began as she placed her hand on his shoulder, "I don't want to get you sick."
           "Oh right, you told me two days ago.."
            "Yeah," she coughed softly, " I'm sure some Tylenol would help me feel better."
            "If you need anything, I'll be available. Seriously, I'll  bring some soup from Subway if you want."
              "Sounds good." She murmured as Frank took her into his arms.
               It was fact that Nadlan was beginning  to catch a cold, but she could not kiss him- because of the conflicting feelings she had. Again, her insecurities consumed her, giving her brain mixed signals. With all that had happened, complete trust was a thing of the past. The connection between the two had begun when Nadlan was five years old.
         Ever since they were kids, they formed a bond with each other after visits Nadlan would pay to see family. Frank used to live in Columbia, where her parents where from. After all those years, she did not share anything with him, in terms of the "incident". Nadlan could not bring herself to share her disturbing past, including with those she trusted. Pity was something she would never ask of anyone, especially herself.
          "Franco, can I tell you something?" She asked with caution.
            "Anything."
            Nadlan cleared her throat to "Well. I will tell you...right now."
              "Okay, what is it?" He laughed in bemusement.
              Her mouth opened and shut itself repeatedly, "You have helped me get over people that...hurt me." She blurted out.
              That was not what she intended to share. As he looked down at her in their embrace, his mouth remained closed tightly. Nadlan's eyes were closed in fear when she realized what she had said. It was not what she needed to tell him at all. She broke herself away, finding shelter in her bedroom. Frank did not move a muscle as she entered her apartment. 
             -   Later that evening-
'Why couldn't I just tell him?',
     She repeatedly questioned herself.
        Her pencil tapped the notebook paper of her unfinished calculus homework. There were three more problems to complete, but all she could think of was what had happened earlier. It was 9:30, past her long-gone curfew of having to sleep at nine o clock sharp. She felt as empty as her phone's text messaging app. Frank would not contact her, but how could she blame him?
        'He is going to think he's rebound for some ex you had.' Her thoughts spat at her.
       The confusion was nauseating, forcing her to ignore her heart. Logically, she could have chosen to not do the homework. Most of her grade was based on exams given at the end of the quarter, anyways. Before she lay in her bed, however, the questions were answered with detailed work. To the side of her lavender sheets lay her textbook, and by its side lay a sleeping Nadlan.

Kendrick Lamar Money Trees Instrumental (for towards the beginning when you see her walk down the street as a grown woman as opposed to an adolescent).