Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter

Ok first of all this is just what I had turned in for an essay I had to write for school. the only reason i'm posting it is because well he thought it was funny and accepted it. See we need more teachers like that! Also I got an A for creativity, who says teachers can't be cool.

Topic was Which US president do you admire most and why?

Abraham Lincoln, sixteenth president of the US. His face on the penny and five dollar bill. Is best known for freeing the slaves and getting assassinated by actor John Wilkes Booth. However what most people don't know is that he was a vampire hunter. That is what I admire most about our sixteenth president. So sit back and let me tell you about the story how Abraham Lincoln became the greatest vampire hunter.

It all started when he was six years old, he had learned that vampires were real. His father Thomas explained to him that a vampire had killed his grandfather. Oh but young Abe was even more shocked when he learned that his beloved mother, Nancy did not die of milk sickness, but had been given a fool's dose of vampire blood. all because his father couldn't repay a debt, it was then that young Abe vowed to kill as many vampires as he can.

A year later he managed to lure  the vampire responsible for his mother's death to the family farm. He killed the vampire with a homemade wooden stake. As time passed of his first kill, Abe got word of a possible vampire attack along the Ohio River and investigates, but this time he was no match for the vampire and was nearly killed. He was saved at the last moment by the intervention of the vampire Henry Sturges. After the attack, Henry nurses Lincoln back to health and explains some of the nature of vampirism, emphasizing that some vampires are good and others are evil. Which you can see Henry was a good vamp. Lincoln spends the summer with Henry sharpening his senses. Henry sends Lincoln the names and addresses of evil vampires; Abraham dutifully tracks them down and kills them. As a little fun fact, vampires can't kill other vampires. So don't believe all that junk you see in Twilight. They also don't sprinkle or don't have regular teeth, they have fangs. A vampire without fangs is dumb, might as well be a human for crying out loud.

As young Abe and a friend travel down the Mississippi River to New Orleans on a flatboat to sell a number of goods. This was the first time Abe had ever witnessed a slave auction. Abe followed a slave buyer and his new slaves back to their plantation and discovers to his horror that the buyer was a vampire. That the slaves were used not for labor but for food. So this is the real reason why Lincoln wanted to do away with slavery. He saw it as long as they could buy the slaves, vampires will continue to exist in America. Lincoln becomes an Abolitionist, returns to his home in New Salem, begins his business and political careers by day, continuing to track down the vampires in Henry's letters at night.

However his life was tinged by tragedy again. When his fiancee Ann Rutledge was attacked and murdered by her ex-fiance John McNamar, a vampire living in New York City. With the help of Henry, Abe captured McNamar and killed him. After that kill, he decided to give up vampire hunting and concentrate on his daytime pursuits. Abe later married Mary Todd, started a family, Along with  a law firm, and was elected to a term in the U.S. House of Representatives.

While in Washington, Abe meets his old friend Edgar Allan Poe, he too knew the truth about vampires. Poe tells Abe that the vampires were being chased out of their ancestral homes in Europe and coming to America because of the slave trade. Poe as also told him that if the vampires were left unchecked they will eventually seek to enslave all Americans, white and black. Abe leaves Washington and declines to seek re-election. That same year Poe is found murdered in Baltimore, the victim of a vampire attack.

 Later that year Henry summons Abe to New York City. Abe and fellow vampire slayer William Seward were told that the vampires in the South intend to start a civil war so that they can conquer the north and enslave all humans of America.  Abe ran for the U.S. Senate and debates Stephen A. Douglas in what became known as the Lincoln–Douglas debates. even though Abe lost to Douglas (who was an ally of the Southern vampires), he gains a great deal of publicity and respect, which allows him to capture the Republican Party nomination for President of the United States and then the office itself.

During Abe's presidential election it trigger the secession of the southern states and the start of the American Civil War. Early battles, such as the First Battle of Bull Run go poorly for the Union troops after they are attacked by Confederate vampires. Abe decides that the best way to defeat the vampires is to eliminate their food source and starve them out — to that end, he announces the Emancipation Proclamation and encourages the slaves to fight back against slave owners and vampires alike. This begins to turn the tide of the war but, the war takes a personal toll on Abe and his family. A vampire assassin sneaked onto the White House lawn and kills Abe's son, Willy. Henry appears at the White House and offers to turn Willy into a vampire so that he will "live" again, but Lincoln is unwilling to allow it. Enraged, he banishes Henry and all other vampires from the White House and refuses to speak to any of them ever again.

The Civil War ended with the South's defeated. Abe receives reports that the vampires in the South are fleeing to Asia and South America in the wake of the slave system's collapse. Happy for the first time in many years, he attends a play at Ford's Theater. It was then he was assassinated by actor John Wilkes Booth. Booth expected the vampires to rally around Abe's death, but instead finds himself shunned and hiding in a Virginia barn as Union troops arrive to arrest him. Henry arrives and confronts Booth inside the burning barn; it is said that Henry was the one who killed Booth. Thus  the nation mourned the death of Abe, our sixteenth president and our nations greatest vampire hunter.

*Ok I have to put this, Just so you know none of that was true. It was all based of the book and movie Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter. Haha I told a cousin of mine, that Abraham Lincoln was a vampire hunter. He told his teacher and when the teacher told him it wasn't true, he called her a damn liar. Which he got in trouble and the ratted me out for telling him that lie. ah kids are so gullible sometimes.