Can you believe....it's been two months already...
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Reading this over and over again is honestly heart breaking. I read this every single day and I can't help but to cry. I'm with the love of my life now, but still. It doesn't mean Zeke is replaced. He can never be replaced. I'm upset right now. Emotional. Everything went downhill since he died. Every damn thing. I remember all the times we spent together. Zeke you were the most amazing person I've ever met. You had that way of caring for other people and you were my best friend. YOU understood me. YOU let me cry on your shoulders and YOU were there for me. Then two months ago today...you died. You left this God awful place. You weren't happy until "the angels sing". I was listening to Coming Back Down by Hollywood Undead and it made me instantly think of you.
I just can't escape Its like you're here with me now But the words you say They always seem to fade out Since you been away I'm just a face in the crowd Someday someday I know you're coming back down One day one day I know you're coming back down
Yeah cheesy I guess but it's whatever. I've been pushing everyone away. No one understands why and I don't care. All I can really think about is you Zeke and it's so fucking hard to let go. No one understands why I'm so broken. No one gets why it hurts so much. No one understands anymore. I'm so tired of feeling hurt and empty. The person who can replace that emptiness is Nero but no matter what I just can't seem to get you off my damn mind. It hurts to the point where I can't even breath most days. I can't believe its been two months already. Honestly it feels like so much longer. People keep telling me to stop being this new Josh but why should I when I feel nothing anymore? I've gone completely numb from all the hurt and the bullshit. But..everyone knows my weak spots. Everyone knows what sets me off. People tend to use that to their advantage. You Zeke. Zeke Zeke Zeke. If only you were still here .....everything would be different though...for negative sides and positive sides. Positive side of it would be that I would still be with you. I'd be happy and smiling again. Negative side of it....would be that I wouldn't be with Nero. Which I'm happy to be with. You're just...a whole different story. Here's one of the best memories. Sitting there...watching the Nightmare Before Christmas...then talking about Jack's boney dick....yeah we would talk about just anything no matter what it was. I miss those days where you were still here. Your sarcasticness...your sassiness...your smile...your personality...just everything. I'm still angry that you didn't let anyone help you cope. That you didn't let anyone be there for you. Today is gonna be a very hard day for me... I love you a lot Zeke.... Forever and always love.. R.I.P.
