A Love to Die For

In a far away land, much like Earth, with similar people and traditions, something crazy happened.  Now, you have all heard of John Hancock, right? He is the guy who signed The Declaration of Independence. Well, imagine yourselves in the immortal psychopath of this strange world, John Hancock's shoes as he committed the most gruesome murder of his 200-year life. I know you're thinking, Why would I commit a gruesome murder?  Well if you had the mind of this John Hancock, you would.  He and the love of his life, 30-year-old Lucille Ball, from the tv show, I Love Lucy, drove from the crime scene with straight faces. As you can imagine, they both were insane; completely bonkers they were.  I am positive that the chief of police, Albus Dumbledore, and his esteemed police officer, Dobby, were already on his tail.

"You know," said Lucille, "We should do this every other night. I mean it would be fun wouldn't it."

"Sure, that sounds great honey," replied John, lost in his thoughts.

But, you see, John wasn't thinking about murdering at the moment, he was thinking about something that kept him up all night, every night.  All, John had wanted was for Lucille to be happy, but him being 170 years older than she was bothered him. He knew she didn't care, and that all she wanted was to kill people with him, but something inside had stirred him up.

"Are you okay?" she asked worried about her partner, "You seem a bit off."

"I am fine. It's just I want you to be happy, and-"

"Don't worry about me, dearest, I love you just the way you are," she interrupted, trying to ease his thoughts.

    No matter what Lucille tried, John still couldn't shake the fact that he was 200 while she was only 30.  I am pretty sure that you would feel the same, given the circumstances. 

    Then all of a sudden, a loud zap zoomed past their ears. This was strong and powerful magic spell that only the bravest wizards, like Dumbledore, could cast.

    "John! It's Dumbledore; he's found us!" Lucille screamed in fright.

    After hours of searching and searching Chief Dumbledore had finally found the insane duo, for he had been searching for quite some time.  Now, as you can imagine, John and Lucy were wanted in several states, many of them Dumbledore had traveled to seeking for more information about these homicidal psychos.

    "John, do hurry! I do not wish to go to jail!" she yelled over the police sirens that continuously gained on them.

    "You won't go to jail! Trust me!"  It was then that Dobby used the Bombardo spell to blow out their tires, which caused the runaway car to stop.

    "OOOOOOOOYAPPPAAAA!!!!" Lucy yelled with gusto, for this was the call for Jeffery the Giraffe, the couple's Plan B escape vehicle.  Just as they had started off on Jeffery's back, Dumbledore cast the Petrificus Totalus spell towards the runaways and hit John square in the back. This paralyzing blow caused him to fall off of Jeffery, which followed with  Dumbledore and Dobby running towards the now frozen John Hancock and throwing him in the police car. 

    "We have him now Dobby, and we'll make sure he never sees daylight again."

    Lucille was now crying due to how worried she was about John.  She knew she couldn't let this happen to him or her for that matter.  It was then she decided that she would go to the jail and break him out, no matter what it took.  Once the police officers had left, she followed their trail and started on her journey back to the city to find her beloved. 

    When she got to the federal jail in which John was kept prisoner, she grabbed a knife and killed all the guards surrounding.  She then waltzed through the corridor, killing every police officer in sight. While she was there, Chief Dumbledore and Dobby sat in the donut shop around the corner discussing their success. 

    "We finally did it, sir, we captured that evil monster," Dobby gleamed.

    "Yes, now we know that no innocent person will die on this beautiful night," the chief replied. But to their surprise, when they walked into the jail, they realized that all their men had been brutally slaughtered, each officer stabbed at least five times. 

By then, the on the run criminals were deep into the dark forest, searching for a humble cabin to hide out their days.  It was then at that moment that they found a perfect cottage where they could live.  They then decided that they would never kill another living creature again, but instead paint faces on rocks and smashing them using hammers.