Angels Of Darkness

News

When life goes without a hitch for a very long time, you start thinking that all of the stress and worry and pain is gone. You start thinking you're invincible and that everything will be perfect from then on. 

I'm starting to think maybe that's why I got so nervous and anxious when Grey sat down at the end of my bed one morning to talk to me. It could only be bad news; Grey wasn't much the serious type unless we were talking about home or suicide. 

I was sitting up thinking. I spent a couple of hours in the morning silent, just thinking. I had several nightmares a night. Criss said he thought I might have PTSD. So, cool, I guess. I sat up and cried sometimes. Other times, I was just quiet and gut-wrenchingly sad for no reason. I guess weird behavior like that was a side effect of abuse. I just didn't understand why the abuse was continuing to affect me. It had been months since I had even heard my dad's voice. I rarely thought about his wife or son, but his face always lingered somewhere in the back of my mind in an almost accusatory manner. I still winced when touched, though I knew, logically, that I was safe. My time thinking in the mornings helped me cope with it. 

Grey came in and sat down by my feet. I pushed them out from under the blankets and put them in his lap, and he held them affectionately. He smiled at me, and I smiled right back. 

That is my best friend, I thought happily. 

"What's up?" I asked.

"Ariel, I need to discuss something with you," He said seriously. 

My heart fell into my stomach in dread. My smile faded in synchronization with my growing nervousness, which must have been acting as a parasite that fed off of my happiness, the unfortunate host. 

"What's wrong?" I asked, my voice a bit quieter. 

"Nothing's wrong. I just need to talk to you. Everything is okay. I promise." He smiled reassuringly. 

"What is it, then?"

"Ariel, we want to move out of this trailer. We want to go somewhere else. Somewhere farther off, that way we can all really have a fresh start. All six of us."

Instead of reassuring me, my anxiety just grew. "Where? How would we even pull something like that off?"

"Pennsylvania. When you turn eighteen, you can even finish school if you like. Please. I know this will be good for all of us. I have a good feeling."

I eyed him unsurely. "This doesn't sound like a very sturdy plan, Grey."

"It is. You'll be safe. And they're done with your missing person's case. They're taking it that you're dead. They're done with it. So, when we get away, no one will even be looking for you. You'll be able to get out in public, love."

I didn't respond; I just watched his eyes. I didn't know what I was looking for, but I was definitely looking. 

"You trust me, don't you?" He asked, looking into my eyes with equal intensity, not flinching or looking away. 

"I do." As the words escaped my lips with shocking ease, I realized how much I meant them, maybe for the second time in our friendship. I didn't feel overwhelmed by his presence or his continuing gaze into my eyes. I did not believe that he would ever lie to me or hurt me. I knew he loved me as much as I loved him, if not more, and he would never do something that might get me hurt. I let the corners of my lips turn up just slightly. "I'll do it. Just, please be careful."

He leaned down and kissed my left foot, then my right, and I laughed. "Thank you," he said seriously, despite his glimmering, brown eyes. "We need to start packing. We are driving, and we're going to leave tomorrow or the day after."

I was surprised. "So soon? What's the rush?"

"We're just so tired of being here. We're tired of hiding you. You need to get out and do normal things. Eighteen is a bit far away for you to just sit inside all the time. The rush is that life is so short, and we don't want to steal it from you. We have a friend who's renting us a small house up there really cheap, and he has a friend who is offering Thomas and Jake jobs close by."

I nodded. "Okay. So, I should start packing now?"

"Yes, ma'am." He smiled gently at me, his eyes warm and comforting. "I guess I should, too." He squeezed one of my hands, got up, and he left the room to begin packing.

I sat in my bed for a moment longer, then I got up and started packing. I didn't have much to pack, but it was at least more than I had started with, since all five of the guys had went shopping for me numerous times and for numerous things.

My thoughts were scattered. I wasn't able to form a steady opinion or feeling about moving even though I did trust Grey. I wasn't sure what I was afraid of. It seemed I always managed to be scared of something undefined. I never knew what exactly was frightening to me, but I always seemed to be afraid. In this situation, I was most definitely afraid. I ended up coming to the conclusion that maybe I was just scared of more change. I liked things to stay the same all the time; it gave me a sense of security. I also worried about being seen by someone who knew I was a runaway and being forced to return to my house or put in the foster system, which was something I had to avoid at all costs. Anxiety overwhelmed me in a sudden rush all over again, and I started crying without any particular event or thought to instigate it. I honestly didn't even know why I was upset. I knew, logically, that this would most likely be a great thing (knock on wood), but my irrational, catastrophic thoughts continued to bully my positive ones into the shadows.