Anarchy - Phan

Chapter 3

I sigh as my school comes into sight, pulling my hood up to try and hide my face, my hands gripping onto the straps of my backpack, as if I can use them as a tether to simply crawl out of reality.

I feel my phone vibrate and take it out of my pocket to see a tumblr notification: a message from Phil. I just stand there for a second, wondering whether I should talk to him or not. I decide against it for now and put my phone away as I hear sniggering to the side of me. I turn and wince as a fist connects with my jaw, my face swinging to the side due to the impact.

My hand goes up to my lip, coming back covered in blood. I smile because that's all I seem to be seeing recently. Blood.

"What is it, Howell? Finding something funny are we?" Asks Rubin. He's the worst one. There's only three of them that ever actually hit people - Rubin, PJ and Chris even though they always travel in packs of five or six, like wolves except less humane. Phil always just stands watching. He'll break out the odd smile if the others are watching him intently, but other than that he just stays quiet. Something tells me that this isn't the group of friends he'd choose to have.

Rubin kicks my shin and I buckle over from the pain, landing on the ground as more punches and kicks land around me. As the bell goes, they leave me alone on the floor of the hallway. I get up and go to the bathroom, wiping off as much blood as I can and heading back home. Nobody will notice if I'm gone anyway.

I get home and go straight to the bathroom, cleaning up the wounds. Surprisingly enough, they weren't too harsh today.

I take a long shower, thinking about nothing in particular, just staring at the walls, imagining how life would be like if things were slightly different. Thoughts like these can't resist taking over my brain, encompassing any good thoughts I might have and strangling them into a dull ache.

I get out of the shower and look in the mirror and feel like shit. As usual. My eyes settling upon every flaw I can find in my body, my gaze inadvertently going towards my blades, and it takes everything in me to resist from picking them up. Instead I decide that I am going to talk to Phil. Why does he stay with those people when he could be free and not have to be dragged down into the depths of depravity with them?

I get dressed and decide to go out to Starbucks. I can talk to Phil and have some coffee while I'm there.

I sit down at my usual table in the most secluded corner and pull out my laptop, opening tumblr. I see the message he's sent me and my fingers hover over the keyboard hesitantly. Do I really want to do this? Then I remember how long the bullying has been going on and I start typing, moving my fingers without even thinking. After realising that I can't just blurt everything out at him, I decide to just say hi for now. I sip my coffee, wrapping my hands around the cup and letting the steaming liquid fill my body with a much needed warmth.

I turn to look at my laptop as I get a notification from tumblr. It's Phil. I start to read the message, disgust filling my very being.

Hey. I'm so sorry about everything. How could those guys do that to you? I can't believe that they would ruin someone's life so much to the point where they get driven to thoughts about suicide and hurting them self. I really hope that things get better soon.

How could he possibly think that when he's with those dickheads every day just watching as they beat up innocent people who don't deserve that? Tears fill my eyes as I reread the message and cringe at how many lies have been compressed into those four, short sentences. Get over it, Dan. I tell myself, adjusting my flower crown and calming down a bit.

But that's when I see Rubin, PJ, Chris, Sam and Phil walk in. My breath hitches in my throat and I pray to whatever supernatural entity that may exist that they don't find me. I'm in an area where nobody goes so people barely ever notice me here. It's a place where I can see everyone but nobody can see me. The way it's been all my life.

Of course, when it comes to luck, I have none. So Rubin and his friends end up walking straight to where I'm sitting. They must come here often because nobody really knows about this sequestered little corner. As soon as Rubin sees me, he smirks as if he's just found his prey. His eyes glint with so much hatred it makes me wonder what happened to make him this way.

He cracks his knuckles as him, Sam, PJ and Chris all walk towards me, Phil uncomfortably lagging behind. Nobody seems to notice the punches and kicks that are being thrown around.Or people notice and just don't care. That's the thing about society, every little 'imperfection', every little thing that doesn't 'fit' into their carefully planned lives will go ignored. Every little thing like me. Either way, Rubin stops suddenly when he notices my laptop. He looks at it and starts laughing. I've just fallen on the ground, my flower crown having fallen a few metres away. I'm about to try and get it when I freeze as I realise that they'll see my tumblr but calm down a little because they don't know about my blog. Crap. I think.

They don't know. But Phil does.

Sure enough, as Rubin shows everyone, laughing hysterically and showing Phil last, Phil's eyes widen but he doesn't say anything. His eyes fill with unshed tears as he looks at me lying on the floor, bloody and beaten down. I realise that in a sense, I've just won. Not against Rubin. But against Phil.

I smirk as my dull, brown eyes meet Phil's bright, blue ones, my gaze reflecting victory, but my body accepting defeat as I slip into unconsciousness.