Taken

bad choices

"You better run, better run, better run, yeah I'm coming after you
When you're sleeping at night, yeah there's nothing you can do
There's no place you can hide cause I'm coming after you"
-Another Way Out

She felt a sense of adrenaline overcome her. As she grew further and further from her father's sight.

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I didn't know what else to do, I stood in front of my dresser, my tool in my hand. The emotional pain was too much to deal with, why else would I do it? I looked at myself, with no tears, no emotion, just myself staring blankly. I knew it was wrong but it was not like I wanted to kill myself, I just want to feel something other than being numb.

Just a few more before I go to bed, for sure, "Jasmine!" my brother yelled out to me, I froze, the tool in hand caused my skin to break more than I intended it to. I looked at him with anger, "don't yell" I calmly said, I forgot to lock the door. How stupid was I? "Why didn't you knock?" I said, feeling violated, and my personal space was disrupted.

"What do you mean knock? You're out here hurting yourself!" He once again yelled out, "Stop yelling!" I said now catching myself doing the same thing. I closed my mouth, maybe my father is working late. I didn't see him at the dinner table. "what is with all this yelling, it's 3 in the morning," my father yelled out. I quickly lowered my sleeves.

"I came to see if I could borrow Jasmine's charger but I caught her-" I stopped him, "shut up Jc! You didn't even knock," I yelled out cutting him off because my father didn't need to have knowledge of this. My father came into our point of view now, "look at her dad look at what she's holding.

My father looked at me with disgust. I couldn't help the tears that kept on pouring from my face. Karma and timing were not on my side today. Why did my father avoid working overtime today? He usually doesn't care how long his hours are but today it's different. He came closer to me, now his eyes averted to my sleeves, "You think your choices at this moment right now are justified?" He asked me, grabbing the item in my hand. My heart couldn't stop pounding, what will they think? "I just–" I couldn't continue my statement, the hiccups wouldn't let me continue my excuse. I didn't know what to do, just his silence scared me. "You know, before your mother decided to let you stay with me permanently, I thought she was losing her mind because you're such a good daughter," he started to say, I could sense the disappointment in his tone of voice, this is all I do... All I do is disappoint those around me. "It's a habit that I do–" I stopped myself knowing I dug myself deeper. My father's expression did not change, "Jasmine, how much of an idiot could you be, resort to this?" He put his hands on me, his tone grew louder, and louder with each word said. I could feel his heavy hands gripping my shoulders. "Padre, yo-" I wanted to at least get some sympathy from him, it's not easy. "Jasmine no, what the fuck, all you're doing is harming your body!" He began to shake me, he didn't resort to hitting me as she did... but somehow this was worse. His anger resorted to shouting, I couldn't handle it. I began to cry all over again. "Let me go!" I yelled out, wanting to get out of this situation. "No, my fucking daughter will not–" my father's grip was loosened, because my brother made him let go. All I could do was run, I ran away. I ran out of the house, I wasn't going to stay longer so I could face his wrath even more tonight. "Go after her!" He ordered, I ran as fast as I could without looking back. "What are you all doing, CHASE HER!" He yelled out to the other members of the house.

I didn't know what else to do but run away. I'll go back in the morning. This has to be dealt with in the morning, I ran out of the house as fast as I could. I didn't know I could run this fast, guess adrenaline is real when you feel endangered.

-

I continued to run, not stopping for a moment or looking back. I reached the exit. The usual night guard was sleeping, I could leave without trouble. I carefully opened the walkway and slipped into the outside world. Was this a good idea? Probably not, but this is better than being yelled at in the dead of night.

I didn't have money or my phone at hand. I wanted to go back but I held back. I could just walk into town, maybe the night air will do me good. Right? We aren't far from town and I walk it during the day. What difference could it make right now?

I heard the gate open, I ran and kneeled in front of a bush. I will not get caught, I just need this time to myself. My father could calm down and talk to me in the morning. He just doesn't understand, I don't want to kill myself... I just want to feel something. The cars became distant and I looked around. Coast was clear, I continued to walk.

-

I walked further away for about maybe twenty minutes not knowing where else to go, the streets were too quiet tonight. Usually, the area is pretty packed with people but tonight it seemed extra isolated. It could be because it's really late, last I checked it was 3 AM.  I felt scared, maybe pushing my mother to the limit was not the best idea. I should have stayed with her instead and handled her shit until I was old enough. But, I would have gone into a deeper depression there, I was supposed to improve but all I'm doing is causing trouble by falling into old habits. I held myself closer, I felt weird here... I looked around seeing nothing but a cat staring at me. I felt... a presence around me but it must be in my head.

I stepped on a twig which made my body tense up. I should probably head back home, he'll get even more worried. I turned around, ready to sprint home but I felt my body tense up. Someone called out to me, the voice did not sound familiar but my name was called out clear as day. I was ready to run away but my legs were burning. This can't be happening, not again.

"This won't even hurt," a male voice said, I felt a small pinch on my right arm. My eyes were feeling heavy. I should've stayed home. "Good job, Casillas won't know what hit him," someone else said. I should've stayed home and dealt with his anger, why did I ever leave the safety of my home? How much trouble will I face now?

What will become of me now?

-

12.23.15

my first-ever book is being republished once again :)