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"Will I ever make it past this

Can I take a chance and hope my heart to focus..."

_____________________

 You squeezed your eyes shut as you let the hot water run down your back, rolling out the tensed post-sex muscles. You wished you could wash away the memories, like you could wash off any physical trace of him. He didn't deserve your skin, he didn't even deserve your mind.

If only you knew what caused him to change.

Things were fine for a year, and then! – Levi started staying out late and getting up early. He'd still cuddle and keep up appearances, especially on the weekends. He still acted like you were his world, but he was different. His touch was different. His demeanor was different.

Levi would still glare at any other man who tried to so much as talk to you, as he'd always done. But his eyes began to wander when you were in public. You always tried your best to ignore it, but you could never quite put it out of your mind. If you tried to talk to him about his actions, he'd blow it off like it was no big deal. Even using his OCD to make up excuses to stare; 'her skirt was uneven,' 'there was mud on her dress.'

But you saw the look in his eyes, you couldn't deny it –

          he couldn't deny it.

You clamped your arms across your body, folding in on yourself until you were sat on the bottom of the tub with your forehead against your knees. You just wanted to forget everything. Erase every minute you'd ever spent with him. Take away all the kisses you'd shared, and love you'd made. Totally remove Levi from your timeline entirely.

If only you hadn't said 'yes' to that dance at that pub that night.

If only you'd listened to everyone when they said he'd only break your heart.

Maybe, just maybe, things wouldn't be like they were.

But you had agreed, and he touched your skin with such passion and intensity that it seared you. Like white fire snaking its way through your veins, if only you'd just blamed it on the alcohol.

If only you hadn't found the taste of whiskey and cigarettes so invigorating on his lips. or given him your number that night.

If you could only take back one mistake in your life, it would be ever going to that bar and meeting Levi Ackerman.

_______________

"You look so lonely, so lonely 

You look so lonely, living a lie..."


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