One Goes And Comes

Flashbacks With Pain

His warmth, his love, his kindness was what I lived for. He was my life. He was my heart. No one could replace the feeling I had for him, that love I had for him. No one. Not my family or friends. No one.

I'm lonely, I'm worthless, I'm weak. My soul and heart are now nothing, but ice. The only thing that's left of me is a worthless, hurt, crying, lull girl. That one illusional girl before the accident, died in the accident.

I was torn to bits by what I was told. Tears always threaten my eyes as the memories come back. The happy moments I had. Now that's all ashes and dust. I'm no longer that positive, happy, joyful Rowan Anderson. Today I'm just another dead lingering soul on this world.

1 month ago

"No," I whisper, but I know what I'm saying is a lie.

"No? Don't lie Red. I can tell by the way you play with your barcelet! You love me as much as I love you!" He was saying the truth, I didn't want to admit.

"Please just let it be, okay? I don't want to have anymore problems. And it doesn't matter if I do or don't. Nothing will change between us. Your going away in a few days. Your leaving for a better life." I reply with pain some pain hidden in the words.

"Red, I don't have to. If you say you love me like the way I love you I won't leave and I'll stay or I'll even take you with me. It doesn't have to be this way. We can be together." As he says what possibilities I could have with him, he gets closer cornering me. Using his body as a wall to block my way of escaping.

"Stop, please just stop. Leave me alone." I noticed I stopped breathing and was losing train of thought as he got closer. He was doing it on purpose. He was leaning in closer to kiss me, but before he could I grabbed a vase next to me and smashed it against his head as a reflex. I saw how he fell quickly to the floor and lost conscious. I froze for a minute and went into panic zone. I tried lifting him up on my bed and successfully did. I sat in the kitchen and waited for him to wake up.

Midnight

"Are you okay?"

He told me that he didn't know, which was how he answered a lot of questions back then. My mind was moving so fast that I never really know why, especially around him.

For a minute or two, we stood there just staring at each other, and when I finally held my arms up for him to hug me, but he grabbed a decent amount of my hair and kissed me instead. I kissed back. A lot. And before my mind could totally grasp what was going on, he whispered to me "Marry me Red." And a ring materialized.

That night was everything for me. One I would never forget the same as the day I told him my secret.

2 Months Ago

"Why do you do it?" he asked

"Just because," I replied

"That's not an answer Red!" his voice raised to a yell

"Because when I do it, I see the blood and that tells me I'm alive, that I'm real thats why okay!" I yell back even louder

He didn't answer after that. At least he stopped asking fuckin' questions. I was tired, tired I tell you, tired of him not being able to understand. That's what I did and I didn't regret it. I didn't.

Now

His parents hate me. They think I was the cause of his death which I'm not. They have tried putting me in jail but they have failed. The police know I didnt kill him because I was there with him... in the car when it happened.

A Week Ago

"Oliver whats wrong?!" I asked frightened. He was driving to fast, but I didnt know why.

"Your such a bitch! I cant believe you would do something like that to me!" He yelled at me with such disgust.

"What are you talking about?! I havent done anything to you! You're crazy!" I yelled back confuesed.

"Really Rowan, your acts over! Stop acting, I know already! Beth told me everything!" He said. I could hear the pain in his tone.

Beth I should've known! She would do anything to seperate me from Oliver!

"Beth? Are you serious! You believe whatever that slut told you?! I cant believe you Oliver! I thought you were smarter!" I replied

As we were arguing I didnt see that we were headed toward a cliff. Before I could warn him it was to late.