This isn't a good idea: BOOK ONE

THE DUCHESS

Once upon a time there was a duchess. She was having trouble with her boyfriend, who was a blue goblin thingy that always wore a skirt. "why do you always wear that stupid skirt?!" she yelled at him "ITS NOT A SKIRT ITS A KIL- oh wait it is a skirt. NEVERMIND THEN" he said while running out the door of their mansion. He came across several kids playing in his hedges. "COME OVER HERE AND MAKE ME A BREAKFAST ENCHILADA" He ordered them. "es oh ci que es?" one of them said. "I DONT CARE HOW TO SPELL SOCKS U DUMBASS I ALREADY KNOW" so the kids ran inside. One of them found a weird churro wrapper thingy and gave it to the kid who kept on climbing into the fire place. Everyone gathered around as the kid poured water on it bUT THEN THE KID GOT BITTEN BY A BAT AND TURNED INTO CUJO AND KILLED EVERYONE AND THE DUCHESS SURVIVED THOUGH AND FLEW AWAY ON A MAGIC CARPET

this is what you get for actually deciding that you wanted to read this. GOODBYE PEASANTS