I'm over us.

PART TWO | ambiguous grieving.

Jays Point of view:

5 months. 5 fucking months had gone by and I haven't heard a single thing from her since that day. I can no longer think straight anymore. 

This silence is killing me, how could I ever let her go. how could I let the best thing that's ever happened to me walk out my life.

Though I don't blame her for leaving me,I cheated and lied to her repeatedly and eventually she left, just like I knew she would. Selfish actions have consequences, always..

I'm not proud of what I've done, my unfaithfulness completely ripped my admittedly huge ego apart. I swore to myself I'd never cheat on this woman again. though yet again, I selfishly did..

I wasn't even man enough to admit my affairs, one time she found out because one girl I slept with came unannounced, unexpectedly into work and broadcasted all the details from the night we slept together so eventually word spread and she found out, she always did.

Not one single day goes by where I don't think of her. I just want her back.

"You still not heard from her then?" Sketch asks concerned "not a thing,I don't care though it is what it is" I idiotically lie.. "you do care Jay...Sorry mate but you two were together for five years I refuse to believe that you just don't care"  i glare exposing my dislike towards his fourth right honesty, "i cant change anything i have done, and she most certainly wouldn't even consider giving me a chance" lets be real, even I wouldn't give me a chance. 

"It's hard man I know, but maybe her leaving you is a wake up call, a wake up call to stop this cheating business" and it sure fucking was.

"yeah well what's done is done, no point in dwelling over anything now she's in the past and it has to be left there unfortunately" it's nothing but the hard truth I can't get her back now, as far as i'm aware she's somewhere running a successful business of her own which she was in the midst of while we was together. she's busy and well, its expected...

"So if you got the chance to meet her again and start a-" 

"Sketch, no enough man. Me and her are not ever gonna cross paths again it's no use going over past issues! i have to understand my actions broke her heart and thats the harsh reality."i say growing increasingly frustrated at the topic of conversation "i'm sorry man, but have you ever considered the fact that maybe, she hasn't reached out because you are in a relationship with someone you was fucking during the time you and Che was together." shit... he could be right. how could i even miss that.

"well whatever the reason, i will never know... come on anyway time to go." i say brushing off the conversation then rummaging around for the keys to lock the shop. 

"before i escape jay, if jess ever fancies letting you out the dog house for a reason other than work, i'm getting the lads round for a few beers if you wanna come, bottle of bud might help you a bit, never know..." the thought is considerate but guzzling 10 beers tonight might be a mistake. i can afford no mistakes anymore.

 "'dog house' very funny mate" i roll my eyes in un amusement "cheers for the invite but i think i'm going to head to the gym instead i'll see you tomorrow anyway" and with that i enrol on a short journey home. though home is never home without her. 

---

"your late back aren't you, its almost 6:30. i'm pretty sure your so called shop shuts at 4, care to explain the two and a half hour delay?"Jessica forcibly asks the moment i step through the door. Maybe 10 beers sound good now.. 

"I had a 4hr spot open up because a client didn't turn in today but that got pushed back to a later time as people do have lives and not sit watching the fucking time all day Jessica. But sure lovely  to see you to babe" i emphasise the lovely because it's in fact the opposite. 

Now don't get me wrong jess is a good girl but she's cracking at jumping down my throat every hour we spend together. though i must admit i probably am not the greatest company at this given time. "loose your attitude, i asked a simple question." ignoring her persistence of having an argument i turn my back and head up the stairs to drop my bag of and change for the gym. 

"hey. i am talking to you jay. wha-well where you going now?" she says as she watches me feed my gym clothes out of my drawer and stuff a towel in my bag. "like i said jess people have lives, i'm meeting sketch at the gym then going for a drink after. but 

I Jay Hutton am grieving for you Cheyenne.