It was Bret's fault.
No, scratch that. It was Jude, entirely.
Wait maybe it was Zon.
No it was Bret, alright.
It was Sunday and they were hitting Valk like there's no tomorrow. See, Naddie had this cute idea of pushing him out of her place with a tact reminder that he must spend his night with the boys, and because he's a wonderful boyfriend he did what he was told.
Except that he spent the next four hours thinking how blissful it must be if he was spooned on her bed or burying his face on her thighs.
By the time Jude was hitting a couple of girls and Bret had his nth glass he was ready to leave them to their own devices.
That's when Bret the Great threw the fortune fucking cookie.
In Bret's defense he was really aiming at Zon who was goofing around sporting a shirt with some politician's face, but Bret's not really good at aiming things, as explained by Zon one time to supply reason as to why he isn't getting laid lately.
So the fortune cookie landed on his hair and everyone guffawed because he yelped.
"Where the hell did you nicked this?"
Bret was stirring his Bloody Mary with his fingers, grinning at him.
"Zon nicked it, not me."
"Open it Jamie!" Zon pushed his glass to Jude "See what's inside. Read us your good fortune."
Bret wounded his arms on his neck.
"Pfft man he doesn't need good fortune, he's getting laid every night. I suggest we kidnap Naddie to teach him abstinence."
Before Bret and Zon could launch a full kidnap plan James stood and said goodbye, but Zon gave him that fucking look.
"Jamie's scared of a fortune cookie," he crooned.
He hit a nerve.
James wasn't really the type to believe in fortune cookies. He used to laugh at Mercury Retrograde. Stars and planets and moons do not really influence your life choices, they just pull tides and decorate the skies and all that shit.
But he wrestled the cookie open, nevertheless because Zon gave him this challenging lopsided grin that told a lot of stuff.
And maybe that was his undoing.
His fortune was as vague as his sober self at 3 o'clock in the morning.
Beware of sprouts.
And that fucking changed everything.
