Riot //h.s.

one

The cool, fresh air of Washington hit my face, causing a small shiver down my spine. I watch as the small children around me, running after the others with their tiny water guns. Parents of them all smile in glee while their eyes are trained on their child as they see the happiness shining in their eyes.

Lately, everything had seemed that way. The world was more bubblier, happier, and merrier. It is great, but something seemed completely off. I didn't know what it was, but I had told my thoughts to focus on the present. The future is not set, and I had the time for that later. It was the now, and now, everything looks appreciable.

I currently am sitting on a white, wood chipped bench. It is terrible to sit on because of the wood sticking into my bottom, but it seems worth it. Watching the children having so much fun is entertaining, especially when one little girl named Sally accidentally threw her water gun at a little boy named James.

To say Sally's face was priceless was an understatement, but it was absolutely in shock. And after seeing her cry because of the small red mark on James's head, it was slightly depressing. James had misinterpreted the whole situation, understanding that it was another boy rather than Sally. It was all such a dramatic situation, but they both managed to figure it out with the help of their parents.

But then, there is my little girl.

The light, the heart, the little soul of my life. Rosemary Melanie Smithson was born on the thirtieth of January, two thousand and thirteen. I had always thought it was such a special day, and it is. She seemed to come into the wrong time, but it actually was the most amazing moment of my life, when her little face was introduced into this disastrous world. I had adapted to the world of doing everything by myself, and without him, my life as well as Rosemary's is so much better.

Jonathan had changed. My ex-boyfriend, my first love, my first everything was gone. He had disappeared just like my mother did when she drove all the way to California and never came back. His mood was different as well as himself overall.

And then, he left once he found out I was having Rosemary.

It honestly broke my heart. Jonathan was my rock, or that was what I had thought when I was twenty one. But, I guess that is how I knew it was the beginning to the end. His smiles weren't sincere, and his eyes did not glow when I said his name. Jonathan didn't want to hold my hand, when Jesus that's all I ever wanted. I guess it ended way before you called me at 12:00 a.m. and telling me that he didn't love me anymore.

God, how much that broke me.

And what made me even more mad was that the father of my child had left. He didn't dare to stay because just finding out that I was pregnant drove him away. But, I know understand that as we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't ever supposed to let us down, probably will. You'll have your heart broken and you will do the same to others. I guess you just have to live life to the fullest and not worry about everything else that is gone, because there is a chance that they will never come back. And I do not want to keep waiting for someone that most likely will never be coming back into my life, nor Rosemary's.

This has taught me how to secure my heart. To not throw it to the person who was the first bidder. Because if anything, my heart is heavy and it's tired. I think that this time, if there is a next time, I will be more careful. I'll look at damn resumes and zodiac signs. Even though I'll be careful, the next time I love, it will be pure and real. The next time, my heart will be happy and they will give me kisses on my forehead that are everlasting. The next time I love, it won't be like the last time.

Every time I look at Rosemary, she reminds me so much of him. Her small chestnut curls frame her face perfectly, just like Jonathan's at the ends. Her little small, flat nose was just as similar as his, as well as his blue eyes. Rosemary didn't get my dull, brown ones, but inherited his ocean eyes. They are absolutely beautiful, breathtaking, but everything absolutely changes when I look into them.