thantophobia {mb/s}

04

I feel like a great parent guys. Let me tell you a story on how NOT to be a great parent;

Once upon a time in the town of Beacon Hills in the humble home of the Martin's there was a boy named Thomas. Now, Thomas was usually careful to contain his five year old mentality around his five year old daughter, so thinking said daughter was out with her Oma the boy made the worst choice of his life.

As he splayed across his bed, bored, the teen began to him to himself, off tune and quiet. An idea struck Tom and he dragged himself off his bed slowly, grabbing for his phone.

After the activation of his Bluetooth speaker and the scrolling through his songs he settled on one and grinned to no one but himself.

This was his day off after all.

Speaker blasting, the boy danced around his room, none to gracefully mind you. "They call me Deadpool, I'm hella fast. Came to merc the bad guys and get some ass, got blades for days, got guns galore, got combo moves, evades and more." The boy didn't hear the front door open, not did he hear the giggles. "With bear traps and hand grenades, Pull the pistol like a maniac, right in your face, Poppin' off caps, leave a trail of guts, Sittin' on ma chair, scratching ma nuts."

Unbeknownst to the boy, Ry and Lydia were busy naming the new dolls that the girl's grandma had bought for her. The little girl was completely distracted by her new gifts, usually by now she had Thomas dragged to the kitchen making her cookies.

"Don't stop when I shoot, Full auto is on, Your ass is grass and I'm mowin' the lawn, Hot lead to the head and I won't stop, What 'cha crew gonna do, when I hack and chop?" Lydia began to grow suspicious of the pounding beat coming from upstairs and the sound of bangs from something. It wouldn't be the first time her son had tried to get away with something. She ignored it for now, continuing her play date with her granddaughter. "All these bitches are pre-madonnas, I stuff my face with Chimichangas, Tacos and beers, always keepin' it lose, Hang on for a minute while I'm droppin' a deuce."

"Deadpool. Sexy motherf*cker. Captain Deadpool. Nah, just Deadpool. Merc with a mouth, I can't die, One foot in the grave, but I'm still alive, Try to kill me, I'll just revive, Then I'll put another bullet right between your eyes. I'm dangerous, feelin' reckless, squeeze your neck like I was a necklace."

Lydia finally heaved a sigh, getting to her feet and ordering Ryland to wait while she checked on something upstairs. The child simply nodded, still asking her dolls about a list of names.

The woman reached the top of the stairs and walked towards her son's door, shielding her eyes and taking a deep breath before opening it slowly.

Thomas hadn't noticed the intrusion. "Jump, flip and leave 'em headless, I like my guns all big like Texas, Hey goons, thugs and bosses, Guess what, I brought Colossus! Times up, better count your losses,Kickin' that ass as my girlfriend watches." Lydia moved the hand from her eyes to her mouth, stifling a laugh as she watched her son dance around the room.

The boy turned towards the small sound and stopped dead in his tracks. Blushing dark, the boy looked at Lydia as the music mocked him in the background.

"I don't even want to know." Lydia waved a hand and went to snap the door closed and walk back to her day with Ryls but was startled as a little voice squealed. Both of the elders watched as Ryland began to dance to the song, bopping her tiny head of curls.

"Ooh! Daddy, I love this song!" The little girl grinned and twirled slightly. "You play it a lot though."

As Ry proceeded to hum along with the words Lydia sent a death glare her son's direction. They were going to have a serious talk about being a mature parent later.

Thomas gapped at his daughter, letting a hand tug at his hair. He had underestimated the abilities of the young female chimera. He had officially failed at being a good parent. This was the lowest of lows.

And that ladies and gentlemen is how you fail at your one job to raise a child right.