My Beginnings

Origins

Written on 5/9/2016

   My name is Brendan. It means prince. It fit for when I was born, because I basically am the prince of darkness. My dad abused me physically and still does verbally, as well as basically insulting everyone else and believing he's better than all without need of any kind of moral code. I'm not his family, not anymore.
   My mom is also different from the day she left him. She's more about herself and others, more confident. Better. She probably wouldn't name me the same way she did when I was born, even though she probably didn't get much say.
   So my name no longer fits. I'm someone else from those who created me, those who named me, and who I was up until a few years ago. So who am I? What should I be called?

   Well I am someone who helps others. I am someone who owes others. I am someone who tries to be moral, when I was born to be immoral. I'm defying my heritage to be myself. I'm an ally to those who are good, and a friend to those in need. I am Alistair.

   I never would be who I am if it wasn't for the heartbreaks I suffered and the one who helped me through them. She may not have known she would, but she taught me there is good in the world and how to be among the good in the world, even if just slightly so. Without her, I would still be Brendan. Without my ex-girlfriend breaking my heart, I would still be Brendan. And without being beat for no reason, I would still be Brendan. Somehow those combined and made me, Alistair. Not sure how, but they did. I could easily have become psychotic but somehow I didn't. I've become personable and starting to be a good person. Others think I am, but they don't know about the old me. While I am no longer that person, I still have to atone for their sins because I once was them. Just because I changed doesn't mean I get a new clean slate, it means I can start to clean my dirty blackened one. That's the beginning to my story. The quick, summarized beginning is only a part of the story though, the story is ahead of me, being written every second, waiting to be explored, seen and appreciated. That's the journey of life. Seeing, exploring and deciding your story with actions.