I tend to be a blabber mouth when I'm high. And I was having hookah (a strong one) with that guy I mentioned earlier xD so I opened my soul to him and he said he understands and all. Next day I simply joke about something.. like we always do.. and he connects that joke to the events I told him about the day before. And says he doesn't believe me :D been crying ever since. I'm so hurt. Will never trust anyone ever again. And I thought I was close with him. What a fool Iam. I can't believe how hurt iam.. I'm normally not.. when the same thing happened the last time.. with another guy.. I was not hurt.. and I didn't even care. Maybe it's because I like this guy a lot. Maybe. His views about me does affect me.. this is something new :/ never thought the day will come when I'll care about what people think of me. Why can't I stop crying? I feel like.. if I meet him.. see his face.. I'll break down and cry my eyes out. And I can't do that. I'm so so so pathetic. I hate myself. I'm so fucked up. Why am I like this? God, I so want to normal. Atleast a little. He's been an amazing friend.. I don't want to lose him .. but things will never be the same.. I do this all the time.. act like everything's fine.. and make the person believe it is so. I just wish I could stop crying so I can atleast talk to him and explain to him how I need to move on from this and just need a little time. Sigh.
