Tomorrow's Promise: Mail Order Bride

Chapter Fourteen Love?

Chapter Fourteen 

Belinda looked at Kris and smiled what a change she felt in her heart.  She felt so free and for the first time happy.

“What is wrong Belinda?” She could hear the concern in his voice.

Molly took that moment to remind them that she was in the room.

“Well I will be going now Adam will be waiting for his dinner or wondering where I got myself into.” She gave a quick hug to Belinda before she left the room.  Belinda turned back towards Kris and for the first time really looked at him. How could she never realize how strong he looked just not in his structure? But that way he carried himself. No matter when Belinda was scared she knew that Kris was always there to make sure nothing happened to her.  She knew in her heart that now is the time to tell him about David.

 “Kris I want to tell you something about my past.” Kris came and sat beside her at the table. Kris opened his mouth to say something but Belinda beat him to it.

“When I was 14 I was force to marry an evil man named David. It was a loveless marriage and horrible he would beat me. I tried to be everything to him but nothing was ever good enough for him. He never beat me where people could see he had a reputation to uphold in the community. In my mind I blamed God for my mother dying, for my father hating me, and for David hurting me. I’m so tired of being angry and sad about the things I couldn’t change. Kris I understand now that when I felt alone that I really wasn’t God was with me. God loves me even when I blamed him for everything. I thought God would be just like my father or David but his not. Please keep having patience with me! I asked Jesus to come into my heart and to heal the brokenness.” Belinda looked up to see tears falling down Kris’s face.  He took her into his strong arm and just hugged her like he had no desire to let go.

“Praise the Lord! Praise His holy name! I’ve been praying for you Belinda every day. I know that you have been hurt but I promise you I will never hurt you. I’m so happy to hear that you asked Jesus into your heart.” Kris pulled back a little and gave Belinda the sweetest of kisses. She tried to give everything she could into that kiss to let Kris know that she was slowly trying to give herself to him. However, she knew that now wasn’t the time! She pulled herself alone from Kris and he let her down. Instead of being angry that she didn’t want to continue he just smiled.

“I know it’s still now the right time Belinda but we’ll get there together with God’s help.” Belinda couldn’t help but throw her arms around him again.

“Thank you Kris for being so understanding!”  She felt Kris slowly rub her back. She heard him whisper in her ear the three little words that she wanted to hear her whole life.

“I love you!” He whispered in her ear again.

Belinda felt like her heart was about to beat out her chest.  She wanted to say something but nothing was coming out. So she just closed her eyes and let Kris smooth her nerves with his sweet words.  She tried to stop the tears from falling she couldn’t tell Kris the worst part of her past. The part where she was involved in the death of an innocent baby she could never say what happen out loud. 

As Kris slept, Belinda couldn’t get her mind to settle so she could get to sleep. She buried the memories so deep inside. She put her left hand on her flat stomach. Could she tell Kris that she was pregnant before that because she was selfish she asked God to kill her kid. She knew as punishment she couldn’t conceive another child. That night ran though her mind over and over. The beating, the pain, the blood when David saw that the blood wasn’t stopping he sent for a doctor. The doctor told them that she just suffered a miscarriage. The worst part was that she was happy that she miscarried the baby. What kind of life would the child have with a father who loved to beat the weak and a mother that couldn’t even defend herself? Belinda silently got out of bed trying not to disturbed Kris. The creak for the wooden floor was the only sound she heard as she made her way to the kitchen table.  With a heavy heart she closed her eyes and put her head into her hands. She broke down not only for herself but for a baby that never had a chance in this world. God, what have I done! I wished for an innocent child to die! I could have protected my baby from him. I could have protected my baby! Belinda put a hand over her mouth so Kris wouldn’t hear her cries. Please forgive me God please forgive me! What if I can’t have more children? What if….. She couldn’t finish that thought. Just when she felt life she was going to break down again. She felt like a warm pair of arms pulled her into a hug. She felt claimer, at peace, like someone was giving her a hug. My beloved you are forgiven. Right then Belinda knew God was in the room letting her know that she was forgiven. Thank you God thank you so much for forgiven me. Now please help me forgive myself! She dried her tears on her nightdress and got up to go back to bed before Kris found out she was gone. Tomorrow felt like a new promise and she was ready to face it!