A Broken Heart Is...

Depression

(Yugyeom)
I awoke to silence something I hadn't woken up to in a while. With a sigh I sat up rubbing my eyes, I wandered into the kitchen "bam? Where are you at baby? Let's go back to bed" as soon as it left my mouth my heart shattered, he was gone. I still hadn't called his family, I couldn't bring myself to call, so I'd had mark do it. I felt bad but I just couldn't say the words with out falling apart. I looked at the clock and it read 4:30 a.m. I forced myself off the floor and made my way back to the bedroom. I noticed the diary set on the bed side table and with the uttermost care I picked it up. I undid the latch and flipped to the first page.
Dear diary a.k.a yugyeom
Do you remember that one time we dressed up for Halloween? And I had pink hair? But while dying my hair I managed to dye the entire bathroom sink pink? And I managed to sneak some in your hair?

I remembered that night, it had been our first Halloween together and I'd stopped by his house. He'd insisted I have pink with him and eventually due to his persuasion and adorableness I had pink in my hair. I couldn't help but smile looking at the picture glued in with cute little faces drawn around it. I flipped the page and began reading the next one
Dear yugyeom
I remember the first time I saw you dance. I remember finding myself short of breath and completely mesmerized by the way your body moved. I also remember our first conversation, you and me were paired up but due to nerves I just couldn't get the moves right and I had yelled in frustration. You had come up behind me and gently massaged all my stress away while saying its okay I'll show you again. Do you remember that? Do you remember being soaked in sweat and completely out of breath but showing me a millions more times while I sat staring in amazement, and when you saw the time you told me I needed to rest and I didn't get to practice that day. I treated you that day, you were so tired but still so nice and friendly. Why were you always so nice to me? I just wanted to say every moment that day was magical and your dancing was brilliant. I love you yugyeom.

I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks as I stared at the picture and the words I love you. I closed the diary deciding that was about all I could handle. I decided to find the pictures and letter's he'd sent to me in hopes I could frame my cherished memories and fill the hole in my heart. I remember one time I found out he had cut himself due to depression, he had been being bullied at school and he was just so upset. I made him promise me to never do it again and I beat the bullies asses but now instead of finding the letters and pictures I stood in the bathroom razor in hand. I took a deep breath before pressing it to my skin, the blood pooled at the opening before spilling into the floor. I swore I'd never do this, I smeared my finger in the blood and began to write on the mirror when I was done it read "we all do things we said we never do"
I eventually did find the letters after cleaning my mess up. The first picture was of him with his lunch that day and the next was just an adorable picture of him

I remember the feeling of opening these and seeing his beautiful face. For a moment I had been back home with my angel and I had been happy. I set the pictures and letters down it was a little after 6 now and I was tired and my head ached along with my heart. I was going to look for the videos of us together or of just him so I can hear his voice again. Those two years not only were hell but they had taken away my angel, I'd never be okay. I laid down in a puddle of my tears willing myself to sleep. Sleep eventually came but with it, it brought nightmares.