Ferret (Sequel To Scarhead)

chapter fifteenth-promise

Harry sat in his cell, with his back up against the wall, staring at the stains on the door which he perceived to be blood. He heard the lock slid through the slot and the door opened. He didn't lift his head, he didn't have the energy. A guard kicked his foot and dropped an envelope on his lap. He left and Harry took a moment to examine what he had just been given. He slid his finger across the flap at the top and opened it. He knew who it was from, the only person who would send him a letter. He wondered if the guards had read it before they had given it to him.

He stuck his hand in and pulled out the paper. He immediately recognized Draco's neat cursive writing. He unfolded it and read:

Dear Scarhead,

When I first used learned to speak, I used my words to fight. With you, with me, with anyone who would listen. What a waste of time. It was you who taught me differently, you taught me to use my words to love. you helped me see. Who would have thought you could use words to create a feeling that could never be replaced. Oh Harry, I would never go back to the way I was before. No matter what. It was a tortuous life. I acted as though I was fine, taking my anger out on other people, but it was a mask, when you peel away that mask you would find true sadness. I hate to say it, but I was not fine. I hide this sadness behind my pride, behind everything you saw me for before we had something. I pile on disgrace.

Why does it feel like the world's stealing every single thing that I have? I only got the air in my chest and even that won't last. What'll I do if I lose you? I feel so helpless, and now that you're gone, I think I've lost my fight. I'm giving up, and it hurts. It hurts without you here with me. It hurts to know that there is no good option, there is no way I can fight this without someone getting hurt. If you were here you would probably say something like,"there has to be a way, we can find a way". But you're not here, so I can't argue with you about how pointless trying would be.

I don't deserve someone like you, someone who doesn't run from their problems, doesn't hide, but faces up and defeats the problem. I haven't finished a thing since I started my life, not really sure if I feel like starting now. But maybe if I could live a thousand times, maybe I could get one right. But in all reality, I am just one reckless mistake, a first class let down that's for sure. I'm heading nowhere at the speed of light and I can't slow down.

I feel really bad for what I did, I hurt you more than I benefited you, what is the point of me?

I beg you to save yourself and turn me in, Please? You can't stay in there, you are more innocent than anyone, it is I who deserves to be locked up in there, not you. And now I need you to forgive me one last time, for what I am about to do. You can't do or say anything about it because you are not here. So forgive me, I cannot live without you, you're all I have left. So I am going to join you, in Azkaban. I will never stop fighting for you though, if there is any way to get you out of there, I will take whatever risk it will take. Here's my plan, I am going to trade you places. Yeah, I know what they said about not letting you go even if they do catch me because of how you withheld information, but they didn't really mean it, they never do. I'll write them and tell them I won't surrender until you are let out. Even if that means committing a few actual crimes for motivation. There is no way they could resist arresting a death eater whom everyone is afraid of, imagine how that would make them look, to have all the death eaters accounted for.

So forgive me one last time, for this crazy thing I am about to do. It doesn't really matter if you do, I won't know and you won't get this until it is too late. I'm sorry, but it is what I deserve, I should have listened and found a way out of it, I should have told you that I was a death eater before it was too late. Maybe we could have fixed things before they got complicated and I ruined your life.