Sordid Boons

Time to Confess

Today is the day I intend to rise from the ashes of my old self. The Self I became, after the climax of puberty. I wish no longer to be Her. Ungrateful. Selfish. Bitch.

I never used to be that way you know. I was The Miss Goody Two Shoes of the neighborhood. The intelligent, witty and empathetic chick.

Thankful. Selfless. Forgiving. Most of all, God fearing.

But that was short lived. Hurt and Pain became the only emotions felt.

Life still happened. As dictated by society, I had to conform. Be an Adult they said. No choice. No pause. No religion. Just work, a job, money and tons of unhappiness.

Me, like many others were sheep, grazing the lands.

Going with the flock; led to God knows where.

I prayed selfish prayers. Seldom slept. Just grazed. Contemplated. Realized. Resisted. Evolved.

Then along he came. I knew him all my life. But it was like we just met. I grew to love the bastard. Now he is all I know. I want to take him with me on the Path I tread. I want to be the old me with him. But I fear that he will not love me.

I have shown him glimpses, but I wonder if he noticed. If he did, It seems like he doesn't mind it at all.

This fear will no longer consume me. Only God will be what I fear. I love who I was. The true me. I love the true me. And now I think I love him too.

Today I intend to tell him. Show him. Be Me. Maybe he already knows. But I need to be sure.

R.I.P interim Me. Good riddance and Thank you; you sordid boon.