LoveTherapy

all I need; small hands

Love Therapy

one

Life started with a bang, or at least that's what scientists have been telling us. But imagine that the way we live on today has never existed before. There was nothing, just emptiness. Like this empty space on the floor where there is no table or chair or anything on it. It's just some space and it's empty.

Maybe that's how it all started. The universe saw this empty place and thought 'hey let's create life on it."

But what is the universe really? Is it that empty space itself or is it everything but that empty space?

Why do we exist if we don't know why we exist?

Religion, ethnicity, colors, and all those categories what are they other than myths and ideas created by us again? Why does life even exist when the end of it all would be death?

If we were created to live our life happily and with love then why does every single one of us feels sadness, despair, and hate? Why do we have to go through all that if we are bound to turn to bones and rot in our graves until we are dust and nothing else? No, it doesn't make sense to me that without sadness we wouldn't have understood happiness. So what if we hadn't, isn't the goal to be so happy that you wouldn't even feel it?

I wonder if science knows the whys instead of the hows.

It's true that the stars burn so they could shine, and the moon reflects sunlight so it would illuminate our skies, and it's true that they are there so the world wouldn't be dark and we could see a bit.

But why do we not see in the dark? What's the reason my body has to sleep at night? What's the reason my mind thinks these thoughts tonight? Why? Why? Why?

Questions build up in my head, answers they give but unclear. I was born to die, and I was born to live. Which one is the truth I could never understand? Maybe they are both the same but then my comprehension stops at this point.

I need to search and I do, at the end, I come up with the same answer, some of us were born to die and some were born to live. I was born to die at least that's what my doctor told me. He said I don't have much time and maybe this has been my destiny all along. He might've meant to comfort me but that was the last thing I felt then.

My feelings and thoughts consisted of; Who decides that I am to die, and why? Maybe it's karma for the way I have lived so far or maybe it's just me trying to blame it all on something that doesn't even exist.

Why are there so many Gods in the first place? If there ever was one God why are there so many religions? I want to believe in one creator and I want to believe of a greater reason for why I have been born. But doubts crawl up on my mind like spiders crawling on walls to find a corner to put their cobwebs into.

There are people who say life is a blessing and there are people who curse life with every fiber of their being. I want to believe that life is a test, but what are the subjects in which we are being tested for and what is the result for, these are questions that make me stop, rewind, and start all over again.

I wasn't like this, I lived to the fullest with the belief that we are born to live, and I should enjoy every moment. That's why I made decisions that I regret, I made choices that could've been avoided, but I didn't.

I didn't use to think of the why's and the how's, I only thought of the now.

And then my mind turned to denial and thoughts of different possibilities nested in my head; Maybe my doctor is wrong, maybe I'm not really dying rather these are just symptoms of a cold. Maybe all the nights out with the girls have finally started to affect me and I'm growing old. Maybe, maybe, what if, what if...