Everyday

November Ended Fast

Time passed, Christmas was almost here.
School took over my life.
Advanced Placement comes with a huge toll.
I moved up to 11th out of 200 kids.
A huge toll.
So does all of the drama of my family.
Missing you was a big concern.
One that I tried to push away.
I didn't know if you cared the way I did.
I had been chasing you since I was a freshman.
Almost two years.

I'd see you in the hallway, you'd come up to me.
We talked.
Never fell out of touch.
I used to joke that I thought you were gay.
Flirt.
You always got embarrassed.
Would stop talking,
Blush and say "No".

I didn't know.
If was almost like that summer had never existed.

September- November, 2015

⭐⭐⭐

The issues didn't start until I got left after school one day.
I had been focusing on passing my A.P. Language Exam.
The first after school meeting, that would lead into spring of next year.
The exam was close to summer.
After that, it was two days a week, every week.
Until March 11th.
I had texted my Mom, stayed thinking I had a ride.
I didn't.
I was stuck.
Stuck across the street from you.
Stuck outside your house.
Otherwise, no service.
I texted her boyfriend:

Jason, I'm at Celia's I stayed after school and thought you would be able to get me. Please don't freak out I'm at Celia's house.

Come get me when you get this

I need a foodstamp phone

I told mom

November 3, 2015

Then I waited. And waited.
Waited outside your house for a ride.
Prayed he'd show up before you came down.
Before you noticed me.
I contemplated going in:
What is she going to say?
I had no where else to go,
you were the only person near the highschool since my Dad had left.
If he wasn't such a dick, I never would've bothered you.
I was scared.
The sun was beginning to burn.
Burn like it does before it sinks.
Throws itself into the blue and drowns.
Suffocating in darkness.
He told me he wasn't coming.

I texted you:

Come outside

November 3, 2015

Waited.
Then I walked in.

Fumbled past your father, lounging in an armchair.
Asked for you.
She's in her room, upstairs.
I fought my way up:
Don't do this.
You know you can't do this.
What are you doing?
What the fuck are you doing?
Walk to Destany's.
It's only three miles.
An hour, come on.
Don't be stupid.
Jesus I'm so stupid.

I came to your door and stopped one last time:
You know she doesn't care.
Why are you here?

I knocked.
You slowly pulled open your door.
Looked at me.
Smiled.
I told you about not having a way home.
You reassured me, over and over, it was okay.
You probably had no idea why I freaked out so bad.
But I did.
I knew.
It's never easy for me to let go of things.