Diary of a Ditto

Entry 1: All about me

So! You probably want to know who it is whose diary you're reading.

(Holy crap, I just realized, diaries are supposed to be private and I'm literally putting this in the most public place in the world.)

My name. Is. Sohto! I'm a Ditto. And here's what I look like most of the time:

Yes, boys and girls, I am totally available.

I bet you never thought this could happen. There's a Ditto, who's all shaped up like that waitress you probably saw in that one Cafe in Lumiose city, and not like an amorphous, blobby mess, or a Pokémon! I know. It's crazy. I know, I know. Sometimes the world doesn't conform to your warped expectations for it. Sometimes a Ditto turns into something that it's not being commanded to beat until it stops moving. And you know what's going to rock your world even harder? In my natural state, I'm shiny. AND NO TRAINER HAS BEEN ABLE TO CATCH ME YET.

Hardly anybody even tries!

So anyway, I come from this crazy continent called Johto, and I have a mind-shatteringly boring brother named Nohto, and I'm a Ditto, and in case I haven't introduced myself yet, my name is Sohto. I swear, these aren't nicknames. There's just that much rhyming in our lives. Sohto, Nohto, Johto, Ditto.

In my spare time, I like to either grace the outside world with my presence, or write saucy stories about the people I met in the outside world. There's a little "joke" among people I know that I've written every ship that has ever existed, does exist, or can ever exist. Like. That notepad you see me with in the picture? It's like a Schrodinger's cat-box of shipping. There's a lot more in there than you'd think.

They don't know just how true it is. I don't plan to tell anyone, because they probably don't want to know that they've all been shipped with both a Skitty and a Wailord and sometimes both at once.

Say. By the way. There's a place to put comments on this website, right? Like you can comment on my diary? If you want me to write you a ship, put it down there, and I'll eventually find the time to do it. I mean, probably. If it's worth my time.

No, I'm kidding, I'll write it anyway.

Let's move on to my brother! I love to complain about him. Sometimes it looks like I actually love him, but to be clear, no, he's only fun to be cruel to. He deserves it, anyway. I mean, look at him.

He's available, too, but you don't care. I bet he doesn't either.

It doesn't get more plain than that. Most of the time, when he transforms, he literally just becomes a mega bracelet and has me put him on and drag him around everywhere. He barely talks unless someone addresses him. He treats me like I'm some egotistical idiot. He's just... like, I don't even have words. I don't have WORDS for him.

You might be thinking, "hey, wait, you're Dittos, you're both genderless. blah blah blah." And to you I say, stop oppressing me, I can identify as literally anything, and actually be that thing. Go away.

You might also be thinking, "hey, wait, you're Dittos, how can you talk, how can you write, blah blah blah." And to you I say, have you MET Team Rocket's Meowth? Do you ACTUALLY think he's the only one of his kind? No, you idiot, there are tons of Pokémon like us, you're probably just too busy making your slaves beat them down and stuffing them in little plastic prisons to notice.

...anyway. I need a moment. Now you know us. See you in the next entry, maybe. Some of you. The rest of you - you know who you are - leave my freaking life.