You Can't Always Get What You Want

Hear

     It was a dreary, rainy morning and I couldn't sleep. Helena was still asleep next to me as she had been every night for the past five months. I had only just thought about it an hour ago: when the sun came up, it would be our five-month 'anniversary' and that I'd stayed with her even when I didn't have to. I wasn't tied into anything, and we both knew it. What was even weirder for me was that Helena, for the most part, did everything I wanted. Sometimes she would tell me no, just enough, I think, to remind me that she wasn't under my power. We both knew I couldn't control her, but she acted like I could. And I think it was because she wanted to.
     I just didn't understand it.
     Helena rolled over and looked up at me. She looked sleepy, but she smiled. "What's up, Kil?"
     I smiled back and petted her hair affectionately. "I was just marveling at you," I told her in complete honesty, "You confuse me."
     Helena sat up, rubbing her eyes, and then looked over at me. "How so?"
     "You do the things I tell you as if I were controlling you," I paused and shook my head, "But I'm not, and you still do it. Why?"
     Helena smiled her smile-with-teeth. I think she knew I liked that smile more. "Oh," she chuckled, "I do that because I care about you. I want you to have what you want." Helena reached up and rested a hand on my cheek. "I know you want to control me, so, unless your demands go against my morals, I do it for you."
     I frowned and crossed my arms. "It's not the same, don't play with me."
     "So you don't want me to do that anymore?" she asked, dropping her hand. I didn't answer right away. I was still trying to figure her out. All this time, and I'd never gotten answers to the mysteries that she kept to herself. I'd demanded that she tell me a couple of times, but that was one of those things to which she always told me no.
      "I don't know what I want," I grumbled before looking away from her. Helena sighed and rolled her eyes. I glanced over at her only for a moment as she shifted so that she could lay back down. I could feel her eyes on me as she spoke.
     "For the record, Kil," she cooed, "If you were just a guy without the ability to control people, I'd still do almost anything you wanted me to." I looked down at her and she offered me a tight-lipped smile before rolling onto her back. I thought about her words for a minute. She wanted the person she cared about to have everything she could give them? It seemed like a stupid way to love, what if they didn't care about you back? They'd bleed you dry and leave you for dead, wouldn't they?
     My eyes shifted to her alarm clock, and then around her room, and the same thought returned to me once more: she doesn't have a deaf person's apartment. I looked back down at her again, but her eyes were closed. I wasn't sure she was awake, but then I figured nobody falls asleep that fast. I tapped Helena's arm.
     "Hmm?" she grunted, opening her eyes to look at me.
     "Have you always been deaf?"
     Helena sat up again and looked over at me. She scooted back so that she could lean next to me against the headboard. She stared at me for a long minute. At first, I wasn't sure she'd seen what I'd said, or maybe she hadn't understood it. I watched her face, trying to figure out what she was thinking. Helena took a deep breath.
     "No," she answered, "When I was young I could hear just like anyone else." She paused and her eyes drifted to the comforter for a moment. When she brought her eyes back to me, she sighed. "One day, when I was six, I was racing my friend on my bike. I hit a bump, and fell off. I must have hit my head just right because I don't remember anything after that, and when I woke up, I couldn't hear."
     I waited for her to continue. I don't know how I knew that wasn't the end of the story, but I did. She looked at me and could tell I was waiting for more, so she went on.
     "There was a doctor there who said something to me. I couldn't tell what it was because I didn't know how to read lips back then," she whispered. She looked pained and afraid, rubbing the back of her neck as she recounted the memory, "He injected something into the back of my neck. It was the most intense pain I've ever felt in my entire life."
     I watched her with concern. She looked a little like she wanted to cry. I hoped she didn't. I hated crying people; they're annoying. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, still rubbing the back of her neck, and calmed down. She opened her eyes before she continued.
     "The fact of the matter, Kil," she mumbled, looking over at me, "Is that I've got an ability of my own. And you're going to be mad when I tell you what it is."
     I gave her a wary look. "Why?"
     "Because I can hear," she confessed, "I just choose not to."
     If she could hear, she'd be under my control, and she wouldn't have to read lips. I didn't understand what was going on. I narrowed my eyes at her and frowned. "What do you mean you choose not to?"
     "A few hours after the doctor injected me with whatever it was," Helena explained, "I could hear again. When my mother came to scold me for racing on my bike, I discovered that I could control my hearing. Tune it in or out, control the volume. Like a living stereo." She was staring past me at the rain outside the window. I followed her gaze and then scoffed, looking back at her. She sighed and brought her attention back to me. "I call it selective hearing."
     I gaped at her with that same confused expression I'd had when I'd discovered I couldn't control her. She stared back, waiting. She had to be watching in case I said something to her. I didn't know what to say. This made sense, though. The headphones, that night that I'd knocked on her door. She let herself hear when she was alone, but went through life deaf in public. Clever. She wouldn't have to hear people whine all the time.
     Nevertheless, it pissed me off. She'd kept this from me all this time! What else had she been keeping from me? I had to know, and I knew there was only one way she'd tell me: getting her to hear. I tried not to show it, though. I didn't want her to know that I was angry about it. I wanted her to keep doing things the way she had been. I'd get her.
     "That explains a lot," I commented, keeping my voice level. All I could picture was my end goal. I could play any part I needed to in order to get her where I wanted her. I brushed some of her hair back. "I do wish you'd told me sooner," I said gently, "But I'm not going to hold it against you." For long.
     Helena smiled, buying my act. "I'm glad I told you, I didn't want to keep it a secret forever." She leaned forward and kissed me. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her back. Soon she would hear me, and listen.