The Day She Left Him

The Premonition

“I don’t know h-how mm-much longer… I… I can h-handle living like this,” Lisa’s voice shook with continued sobs as tears streamed down her cheeks. It was August 6, 2012 and she was sitting in her kitchen with Elaine, pouring her heart out. She was too tired. Too tired of dealing with her husband, too tired of making calls that often went unanswered, too tired of having to do everything alone, too tired of pretending and keeping up appearances with his and her family, too tired of crying alone in the dark, too tired of feeling sad and depressed all the time, too tired of her marriage, too tired of her life to carry on. She was too tired in being tired.

Earlier that morning, she sent Jake to her dad’s house so she could spend the morning alone. Although she never intended to spend the morning wallowing in despair, she knew that crying might help her feel better. On so many previous occasions, crying provided the temporary relief she needed to continue on with her life. The despair she felt the whole week was tugging harder and she needed a way to get rid of it. At least for a little while if not permanently.

As she sat quietly in the living room after returning home from sending Jake, she contemplated on her life. Perhaps her mother was right. She did marry too early. Not many people in the 21st century marry at twenty. But she thought he was the right choice for her then. If you knew you’ve met your lifelong partner, why should you wait on starting a family? Besides, she heard that women who married late or have their first baby late, risked getting either a Down syndrome baby or worse, breast cancer. Now why would any woman risk that?

Seeing her life turned out this way, however, she wondered if she should have waited. Would her life have been better if she did? Sometimes she wondered if she would even have married him if she did wait. They argued a whole lot while they were dating. Many wondered why they decided to get married. If anyone asked her that question today, she would no longer know the answer to it. Years that went by have tarnished her once beautiful idea of marriage and family. Now she only saw marriage as a burden. Didn’t they say marriage was the number one reason for divorce? They’re probably right, Lisa thought.

As she continued sitting on the sofa, she thought about many things: how they met, their first date, his proposal, their first fight, their first make up, their wedding day, meeting his family members, and so many more memories that were mixed with happy and bitter sweet memories. A passerby might have assumed Lisa was transfixed for she was not moving any other parts of her body as she sat staring into nothingness.

After what felt like an hour, tears fell down both her cheeks. Slow and few in drops at first, setting the motion that would result in gushes of tears not many minutes later. As the tears flowed, her chest heaved slowly. She closed her eyes and let the tears flow, warming her cheeks in the process. Her mobile phone rang then, interrupting her. It was Elaine calling. Lisa left the phone ringing and debated about answering the call. Could she mask her voice well so that her friend will not know she was crying? Her mobile continued ringing. Before she could answer, the ringing died. Breathing a sigh of relief, her tears came streaming down once more as though the ringing had an automatic pause effect on her body.

This time, however, her crying didn’t last very long. When it felt like she had had enough of crying for that day, she washed her face in the bathroom and patted it dry with a towel when her mobile phone rang again. It was Elaine. She took a deep breath and answered the call.

“Hello Elaine,” she said into the receiver. Her voice sounded neither as strong nor as steady as she intended.

“Lisa, is everything okay? You sound different,” Elaine said.

Nothing goes unnoticed by Elaine. It was not for nothing that she was Lisa’s good friend. She felt a rush of overwhelmed gratitude for having a friend who cared so much about her when it felt like no one else did. The tears came gushing out again before she could stop herself.