I take my Pj's off and step into the steaming shower. I look down that the stinging feeling on my left thy. The hot water was washing over my recently added cuts. Thinking to myself why didn't I just add to the cuts all over my wrists. Staring at my wrists.
"Oh that's why" stunned by how many cuts where going up and down my arms. There was no room left on them.
....
I step out off the shower and grab a warm towel rapping myself in it's warm embrace. While trying to cover the mess of open wounds on my thy. Hoping no one will see them as I walk to my room. Blood running down my leg
" Fuck" I said under my breath. Why did this all have to happen now. I know this is not the first time this happened but last time my grandma was passed out in her room and could not see me. But it's not like she does not know I cut. I mean she walked in on me when I was cutting a few times. But she did not give a shit. Why would she. A she want from me is money she does not care about anything but money.
That only happens when you are run by greed and obsess about other peoples opinions and think you are better than every one around you. Anyway i need to get dressed without pulling off all my scabs. That would be a complete mess that I would have to clean up latter without any one noticing. I pulled out a black tea shirt with some Harley Quinn sweat pants. I hurry up and get dressed and walk to the living room putting my black and blue sneaker next to the couch.
"make sure you eat some breakfast today Alice" A small voice said right behind me.
" I will just eat it at school" I said comely as I lied to my grandma once again. I don't usually eat breakfast. It's not like am anorexic I just don't have time to eat in the morning. I hate it when people say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I have been surviving about 2 years without breakfast and I am doing just fine without it. Aside from all my mental and medical problems but I will still have those with or without breakfast.
"ok just get ready soon"
"says the person still in her Pj's"
"shut up and get ready to go. I can take care of myself"
"fine" I walk to the bathroom once more to do my hair and brush my teeth as she walks away angrily. After I brush my teeth i stick my hair into a pony tail while pulling my bangs up to the front of my head. As I turn to the mirror with my eye liner I start to think about Ash again, wondering what he thinks about my eye liner. Contemplating on weather to put it on at all. But if I don't my eyes look blood shot and scary when I don't put it on.
In the end I put all the eye liner on to make me look like I have raccoon eyes and cover over all the visible veins and see through eye lids.
"come on Alice!!! I swear if you are not out here in two minutes I will just leave you here!"
"don't worry I am right here!!!" I scream as I run out the door with my trombone.
"God why did you pick such a big instrument to play. I mean you know how to play about 7 instruments you could have chosen any one of those to play" My grandma asked with a whole lot of i don't give a shit attitude.
"I think it's because she wants to be as close to her boyfriend"
"Shut up Timmy....Ash is not my boy friend"
"so you do wanna be as close as possible to Ash"
"NO!!!" I screamed"that's not what I meant and you know it"
"keep telling your self that Alice"
"can the both of you stop. You are both acting like children and you are the same age, and should be acting like adults." After my grandma said that I looked at Tim and could not help myself from punching so hard in the arm he fell out of the van seat.
Jokingly I say "should have put your seat belt on"
