I'll be your nicotine

Chapter 3

I walked into my house, not quietly, but like any normal day, if I didn't, it would seem like I was guilty. Instantly, like an over exited puppy, she pounced on me, crying, sobbing and sqealing. My fists clenched and my heart shiveled, I was pissed, she disgusted me at that moment, so weak and needy, I wanted to punch her. To slap her sober and scream at her to get over herself. That the whole world didn't care about her enough to try and give her the worst life possible, that it was five years since that bastard left us and she should just get her life together.

But of course, I didn't do anything I should have. Because I was a coward, and it was worse when she was completely sober. So I swallowed the shame as I lightly pushed her away and stared her in the eyes, begging my voice not to sway.

"Mom. I. Will. Not. Leave. I was just at a party, having fun. Now listen, I want you to be as sober as you can be tomorrow, I don't want you to smell, and I want you to be presentable, so that means you need to sleep, eat a nice meal, and relax until the party. You will not drink until the party and then you will only drink apropriatly. Understand? Just this one day mom, please, be presentable."

At that moment, my moms eyes cleared. I knew it was half my tipsy brain effecting me, but for one moment, I saw my mom, the one I loved before my life decided to take a perfect cannonball dive into hell.

"Ok."

After that, I wanted to sleep. I had a pounding headache and my mouth felt like cotton. I was almost dissapointed with myself on how much I wasn't able to hold my liquor.

But I didn't sleep, I worried about tomorrow's party, my mom's coworker was moving in next door with their family because they got promoted and originally she wanted a small picnic to welcome them in, but then she invited six other families and it turned into a full blown reception with fancy clothes.

I had called party planners, but I was controlling and they ended up just listening to my orders about setting the party up. Soft lights, wine, a bar, tables with cloths and flowers, the whole shabang.

I wouldn't have even allowed the thought to form into my mind if the guests of honor didn't call and say they would pay for it all. My mom was tight on money with all her alcohol and the large house she insisted on having.

After planning how the whole day would go in my mind, I finally went to sleep.

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When I woke the sun was high up and blinding me. Groaning, I slowly sat up and rubbed my eyes. A cup of water and some aspirin that I don't remember getting was on my side table. Thankfully, I didn't have much of a headache, and opted out on the aspirin. Taking the cup of water I looked at the clock and choked, 5:30!? The party started at 6:00! Springing up, I whipped the shirt out of the shopping bag I left on the floor last night and rushed into the bathroom. Taking a deep breath, I calmed myself, brushed my teeth and put on the little makeup Arden had taught me to do when we were kids. When my face looked presentable, I put my hair in the nicest bun I could manage with only a few strands loose around my face.

Putting on deodorant and slipping on the dress, I went out my bathroom and traded downstairs. I hit the landing and my mom came out of the bathroom, looking as cleaned up as I had ever seen her in years.

Smiling a little at me, she said good morning, kissed my forehead and asked if I was ready to go. I didn't respond. She almost acted like how she was before, I was frozen in shock, almost blissfully happy, until I looked in the bathroom and saw a bottle of spilled pills and my happiness was flushed out.

"You took drugs?!" I yelled, grabbing my moms elbow and turning her around, she still had that small sickly smile on her face.

"Hun, it's not a big deal, it's medicine to help me calm down."