Courage is one thing that no one can ever take away from you. I said this to myself every day for the longest time. It was almost like a daily routine. Wake up, shower and get dressed, draw a butterfly on my wrist and write CôurAgé up my arm. This is what kept me going through every day without losing my mind for the longest time.
Nobody ever asked. They never asked about the butterfly on my wrist. They never took time to question why I always wrote CôurAgé on my arm. I didn't want them to ask really. I was ashamed of myself. But I always wondered why nobody ever asked. There were two possible reasons that always popped into my head. One, they just didn't care what so ever. That reason probably isn't too far off. And number two, they didn't need to ask. They already knew from experience.
The second possibility always terrified me. It was good to know that I wasn't alone but I wouldn't wish that pain and heartache and constant fear on my worst enemy. Every single day was just another struggle and it just kept getting harder and harder. But every day after I got dressed and drew the butterfly and wrote CôurAgé on my arm I was reminded that I had to keep pushing forward. I had to keep going because no matter what I lost I would never ever lose my courage.
Sometimes I felt like I was about to go over the edge. And the worst part is that I was okay with it. But every time I was close to giving up I had to remind myself that soon things would go my way. I had to remind myself that things would get better and that there was something or someone greater waiting for me out there.
So I waited, and waited, and waited until finally my day came. Things started to go right. I could just feel in my heart that things were going to start getting better. And I was right. All of that waiting and suffering finally paid off. I had found that greater someone out there. All of what I dealt with was definitely worth it.
Once I found him I had slowly stopped writing CôurAgé on my arm. I doubt anyone really noticed but I felt like it was just a huge statement. I didn't have to ink my skin every day to remember to stay strong and remember to have courage. I didn't have to do that anymore because he was what reminded me of all of these things. Every time I saw his smile and heard his voice and looked into his eyes I just knew that I had a reason to keep holding on. A real reason. Not just some fancy looking letters on my scarred skin.
I feel stronger now. I feel like I don't have to live every day like it's just a struggle. I don't feel ugly anymore. I don't feel scared. I feel like every day is a gift. I now believe that I am beautiful because of him. And I definitely feel like I have much more courage than ever before.
Courage is definitely the one thing that no one can ever take away from you no matter what. It's always there. It's sort of like love. You can't see it but you can feel it.
