I looked at myself in the mirror, I had only smoked a little today and I was dying to get my hands on something. I just felt so drained.
"Jen, you coming out?" Jason chuckled. His guests had got here a few minutes ago and I was trying to avoid going out there. I didn't think I looked good enough.
The dress was loose and the thin straps made my arms look chunky. The dress stopped at my knees and showed my thin legs, they were much too stick-like and I hated them.
You could see the misery hidden behind my face if you looked close enough but I doubt anyone would. I tied my hair into a ponytail leaving my bangs out, to show off the diamond earrings that Vic had given to me a while back. They were the only nice ones I had.
I took a deep breath and shook away my nerves.
"Coming!" I said with fake cheeriness as I plastered on the most realistic smile I could.
I opened the bedroom door and stepped into the hallway that would lead me to the living room. Jason smirked at me and swung an arm around my shoulder. He lent down and whispered into my ear,
"I hope you're as good at acting as you are at sucking." He laughed lightly.
In my head I told him that I acted like I enjoyed what he did to me every other night, but he was paying me. So I kept my mouth shut and the smile on my face.
I walked down the hall slowly with his arm around me. I felt so uncomfortable. Funny how I can have sex with him and that's perfectly fine but meeting his friends makes me want to cry.
We got to the end of the hall and I stopped in my tracks.
We made eye contact the second I stepped into the room and to try to calm myself down I gripped the bottom of my dress tightly.
My heart was sinking into my stomach and I could feel the nausea laughing at me.
I'd rather see anyone but him. I'd rather be here with Vic or Derek... I'd even prefer my father of all people.
Just not this spiky haired dimpled cheek bright eyed man.
I couldn't stand him, he was so very... Hollow. Though I can't really be one to talk, at least I can admit to it.
I continued to the table where I sat directly across from him and his girlfriend, whom I was far less concerned about. "Jenna this is Scarlett and Jaime, but she goes by Scar." Jason said.
I was so unsure of how I was supposed to play this out. Do I pretend to not know them? Do I play it like we're old friends?
This brings me back to my sophomore year of highschool. I used to see Jaime in the hallway everyday standing outside the history class we had, he'd show up early to hit on Stacy F. and I'd show up early to avoid getting stuck in a front row seat in class. But every time he saw me he'd give me this look like I was scum. As if I was nothing but another nobody that the earth could do without. So.. how he looked at everybody basically. Back then I couldn't understand it and it made me feel awful. Like I could just curl up and disappear. But now? He's giving me that look because I am scum. I'm a failure of a mother. A prostitute. A junky. A terrible wife. I'm another nobody that the world could do without. So getting that look from him now, decades later, being able to understand why I'm feeling so crushed by it, makes this experience that much harder.
Jaime brought his hand across the table to shake mine and said "It's so nice to finally meet you." Which confirmed how we were going about this.
"Likewise." I smiled and waved my hand at Scar.
We ate our meal and the night couldn't have gone any slower. I needed a drink, that wasn't cheap red wine. I needed something heavy.
We all talked about our lives and it was really awkward. Honestly I couldn't even keep up with all the lies I was telling, acting is pretty hard.
Was it worth it? Not really. Would I do it again? No. Am I glad it's over? Oh yes most definitely.
So Scar and Jaime left and I waited so I didn't look suspicious and Jason was complimenting how well I did.
I thanked him for everything and took my money. After changing out of my dress and getting more comfortable I grabbed my purse and left the house.
Pretending was so much fun... for a few hours I pretended that everything was okay when it wasn't and despite the awkwardness it was nice to be able to say those things about myself. I don't know.
As I was walking down the street I heard the beeping of a car, I ignored it.
However when it happened a second time and when I turned around it turned out to be Jaime's parked car.
"Get in." He said. His window was down so I could hear him fine. But I still asked what... it was more for the fact that I was confused. He repeated himself sounding more stern but I shook my head no.
"Why? I'm not interested in talking. You don't know me and I don't know you, just leave." I told him. I don't need this in my life. As much as I complain to want a second chance... it just doesn't work.
"Just get in the fucking car Jenna." Scar yelled from her window in the passenger seat.
I rolled my eyes but knew them. They wouldn't stop so I might as well get this over with.
"Not gonna hurt me, right Preciado?" I asked as I got into the van.
"I could, and god I want to, but I never would." He said as he began to drive down the dark road.
Where we were going? No clue. I really need a drink right now. I have a feeling that tonight is gonna be a long night.
-
Alrighty chickadees, I know it's been a hundred years but I finally updated! (This chapter is so short I'm sorry) But I didn't have motivation but then I got it from sxmmmz so you should go follow her bc you owe her one for being motivational. Anywho I've already started on the next chapter buuuut tomorrow is really busy for me so if I finish it by tonight itll be up tomorrow night and if I don't I'll finish it Tuesday morning and upload it then. See ya chickadees.
~LittleMissFreakShow<3
