Quite frequently I experience things that make me not only second but also third and fourth-guessing things. Certain events pop up in my mind out of now where so that there's no way for my mind to escape and forget about it; but rather replay it a thousand times in my head. Every year around the same time I start figuring out things and getting answers to questions I've been asking myself too many times in the past. This is also usually the time of the year where my stress levels are so high, I hardly get any sleep.
Besides the sleepless nights, it is a very good time for me - because I learn to let go of things. I can never put the things that have been keeping me up for nights behind me when I haven't found the answers to it yet. It most likely isn't healthy but at least my mind is constantly active. It is a good thing for sure, but puts my physical health at risk. I know that, but I can't stop myself from overthinking things.
The events that happened in the last few weeks showed me - I shouldn't always trust somebody else when it comes to my feelings. I have experienced a lot of emotional ups and downs not knowing what the benefit of the situation I was in, was. There's always a benefit. The universe is trying to tell you something when you might think the situations turned out to be a whole disaster. It most likely wasn't. It's just your subconscious mind trying to tell you, you fucked up in that very second without even knowing which events led you there.
Let me clear up something very important here:
Our subconscious mind is filled with beliefs we were fed when we were youngsters. It's pure information. You were told something and instantly believed it. That's how your subconscious mind works. No analyzing just sucking up information and storing it in your subconscious mind. Due to your experiences throughout your life you figure out that not everything you were told when you were a kid is right. This usually ends up in you ditching the beliefs you were told by others but instead help you develop your own. Which is fine because everyone experiences certain things in a different way. This is how it should be. This is life.
Feelings and emotions are not considered in our subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is fed only with "raw data" so to say. Our conscious mind however takes feelings, emotions, gestures and facial expressions into consideration. Both parts of our brain - the conscious and the subconscious mind together help you realize things. Interpreting the meaning of the words in a conversation (stored in the subconscious mind) and analyzing the facial expressions made during the conversation (stored in the conscious mind) help you find the answer to your question.
What we often do is - trust our beliefs (or even worse the beliefs of others).
To make this a bit more clear: Let's assume you've had a conversation with someone you really care about and you ask a third person (someone who isn't a part of this whole thing at all) for their opinion.
If someone very close to you, let's say your best friend or a parent tells you "You should forget about them" - the chance that you believe them is very high. You trust them enough to take action based on what you've just heard. You don't analyze the situation you have been in yourself. Your best friend or parent doesn't know how the person reacted when you told them something you were dying to tell that person. They haven't seen their gestures and facial expressions during the conversation. Your parent may have different beliefs than your best friend may have and you might as well have different beliefs than both of them. This is were all the trouble begins.
You don't trust yourself enough to believe what you have just experienced. All you need to do is put together the words spoken in the conversation and the expressions made by that person. That's it - you've got your answer. Don't make the mistake and trust someone else with your feelings. You're the only one who really knows what was going on.
You may wonder what all of this has to do with the happenings in my life, right? I've had a lot of time to think about the events happening in my life recently. About a year ago I blindly trusted people when they told me something. I didn't second-guess things neither did I question their actions and beliefs in any way. I thought they for sure know what's going on. This is due to their strong self-confidence which I sadly lacked. But let me tell you, everything turned out to be plain wrong. Like not 100% but most of it. And how does that effect my life? Well, it opened my eyes in so many ways. Back then I didn't realize someone was trying to get to know me. They tried so hard to get my attention but I was too blind to even realize their existence. It is kind of a déjà-vu experience because the exact same thing happened to me five years ago.
One person was trying to be part of my life but I was too busy focusing on other things. It took me a while to realize that this person really meant what they said. They gave me hints all the time. All the information the person told me verbally was stored in my subconscious mind. My conscious mind didn't analyze it because it didn't think it was of any relevance. It took me months, even years to figure out what the person was trying to tell me all the time. It's really frustrating looking back on that. Now I'm stuck in the same situation all over again. The difference now is, I realized it way before it's too late. I'm glad that I came to the conclusion that I have to change something very major in my life. It's time to take my life into my own hands and make the best out if it. To create the life I've ever wanted. The time is now.
