Love is of Butterflies and Anxiety

The Love Struggle Is Real

 I know there's love out there, just sitting there waiting just as patiently as I am waiting for it. I always thought that love won't come to me, and i have to be the one who goes and grabs it for myself.  When I find someone I like, it usually doesn't grow into something that lasts more than two months tops, but more of just a test run, seeing how compatible our personalities are, but it never lasts long. The other person that i try to make something happen with ends up being either way too immature, a selfish asshole or they just don't like me very much in the first place. I am usually rejected right on the spot as if i were rotten fruit still hanging on the tree branch.  

I have this problem with being alone... being single, that is. I always want to be dating SOMEONE, so i always get caught up in crushing on the next guy i see, and then they break my heart, or I accidentally break theirs. It's not like i meant to. But that only happens when I can't or don't love somebody the same as they love me. It's tough when you are in that one relationship where everything isn't at all the least bit of enjoyable, and you want it to end, but it seems you just can't get out of the hole that smothers you in unmutual love. I was in a relationship that lasted, umm, about a month. It was all good at first, but then I was just overloaded with this love that was too compassionate and I did not have for them. So sadly, I crushed his dreams of being with me forever. But that's the thing, I didn't want to be with him forever. It simply was just too much. I guess I took him in because I can't handle being alone, without love, without romantic company.  

I met this other, really attractive, very nice guy maybe a week before this last one ended. I couldn't stop staring at his eyes. Something in his blue-ish gray-ish eyes told me that I will have a future with him, not necessarily romantically, but in some way, I will be really good friends with him. We talked for a little while in a little art gathering where we met and discovered that we are both huge fans of the same bands. Just to name a few, we both enjoy Depeche Mode, other 80's bands, and especially Green Day. That made my heart throb like I was about to have a heart attack, so I knew something between us was going to happen, I wasn't sure what, but i just knew.