Similarly Different

2 - Blackmail

He was my first boyfriend, the rich, popular, good-looking guy at my school, and I was so excited. We had been on the beach, and he had written in the sand: Will you go out with me? My iridescent eyes had been bright and pure, full of hope and joy. My cheeks were flushed a rosy pink, and I had felt like the luckiest girl in the world. We had had so much fun together, going on dates to national parks and high-end restaurants.

I pushed open the door with the female sign, staggering in, memories filling every bit of space in my head. Memories played like a movie; like I was watching someone else's story.

On one of the dates, we had gone to a wildlife park, and he had pointed out species of exotic flowers and animals. We had fed little sparrows with crumbs of bread and taken photos of each other. He had led me to the edge of a beautiful, shimmering pool of water, koi swimming in the current. And there, we had had a picnic under the wisteria tree. It had been perfect. He had been perfect. We had been perfect... or so I had thought.

Because only a few weeks later, my illusion of perfection had been shattered.

I had been at the beach... that same beach where he had asked me out. I was being my innocent little, naïve self, day-dreaming along the beach. I had strolled towards the little cove where he had written those words, when I had heard the sounds of hushed whispering.

Back then, I was foolishly oblivious, and curious. Have you ever heard the saying curiosity killed the cat? Well, I experienced that first hand.

I had peered around the edge of the rock wall that closed off that cove from the rest of the beach.

My eyes still burn from the horror and embarrassment of witnessing that scene as my memories replay over and over again.

My boyfriend... and my best friend... kissing.

***

My eyes unbelieving, had stared in wide astonishment. My body had been frozen, as if paralysed by poison... cold, fatal poison that slowly spread throughout my veins, infecting me with distrust and crushing my heart.

For months after, I had become a life-less shell, unresponsive and barely living at all. I hadn't known what to do, or how I should've reacted. My boyfriend, unaware that I knew of his betrayal to my love, had continued to coddle me with hugs and kisses. And I had sat through it all for months. By then, my heart had been strangled by a tangled mass of constricting vines, not allowing it to grow, not allowing it to trust, not allowing it to love.

And finally, my chance came, my chance to leave. One time, he had tried to kiss me again, and flashes of that night came back. Pushing him away, I had screamed and cried, revealing everything that I knew. I had thought that would be the end; that I wouldn't have to pretend anymore; that I wouldn't have to suffer anymore. How wrong I was.

The next day, when I had arrived at school, silence had fallen like a hammer of judgement. Eyes had pierced my soul as I walked forward. People had teased and bullied me. All my friends had betrayed me. My former best friend was the ringleader with of course, my ex boyfriend. It seems... they had spread a rumour around the school that I had blatantly cheated on him, and crushed his feelings. He was a loved and cherished guy in school, and before our relationship, I was just normal. Of course, he was believed, and I was thrown into shame, humiliation and torture.

I kept quiet for months, enduring it all: the solitude and bullying. I started cutting myself, but by some chance miracle, my dad had acquired another job in the next state, and we had moved... and I had stopped.

I had felt relief... it was so foreign and unreal... the first feeling besides sadness and loneliness for a long, long time.

I had moved to another school, and made another identity for myself. This time, someone cheerful and joyful all the time: a façade to hide my broken self.