The Journal..

1/31/16

It stings. But it feels so good. Like when you're running and running as
hard as you can and your legs are burning and you think you're just about to collapse...but then in a split second the pain is gone and all you feel is peace.
I need my peace.

All the slashes in the world can bring me bliss. But it won't ever end.
Cutting is an addiction in itself. You cut and cut and cut and as much as
it hurts, it feels so good. When you're balling your eyes out and you think
that the only way to make it better is by ending it all but instead you
make a few scratches and all the pain comes pouring out with your blood;
that feeling is so addicting. Some people may say it could be your own
personal brand of nicotine. Pain demands to be felt. I've gotten so busy
trying to save everybody else, i've forgotten to save myself. I get so lost
inside my own mind. Sometimes i get so sad, it's hard to breathe. So when you tell me to speak about it, i can't. My demon is crushing my lungs. But in reality, we are all addicted to something that takes away the pain. I'mhonestly terrified of this thing. This dark thing that sleeps inside of me.
I've been slowly secretly falling apart.
Some may say it's selfish.
Is it?
Maybe......