Finding Myself

 

Optimism, a word defined as hopefulness and confidence of the future.

 

This single word defines us and shapes our personality.

 

I find myself losing all sense of this word.

 

So I continue to ask myself why.

 

Why do I feel so empty?

 

Why do I feel so alone?

 

Why do I feel angry?

 

Why do I feel fear?

 

As others around me grow and move towards their future,

 

I can’t help but find myself stuck a float in a sea of memories.

 

Why is it I ask?

 

Why am I like this?

 

Why am I struggling alone?

 

How could this have happened to me?

 

So I set sail on this sea of memories in search of the answers I seek.

 

My first stop takes me nine years in the past.

 

And there I am sitting in Mrs.Decker’s fifth grade class.

 

The words fail me as I look on, gazing at the snow, how I hated it.

 

And I see my classmates changing, where once there were jokes

 

Now stood makeup and cell phones.

 

Yet I had friends three friends who understood and could relate to me.

 

But then I look in shock as I see myself, the idiotic punk.

 

Trying to sound like a big shot because I thought I was tough.

 

Ego, this evil thing has started here and continues to haunt me.

 

Then I turn and see my sister correcting me for lying.

 

Telling all these fantastic wild stories just so I could seem cool.

 

But when that failed me I could see the malevolent prick I became.

 

All because I didn’t get my way.

 

How pathetic.

 

Unable to see anymore I turn away and move forward.