Phases (A Collection of Poems as I Go Through My Life)

The Point of Me

What's the point of happiness without sadness?
What is the point of me without you?
Well let me tell you. The point is for me to live a conforming life, sitting in a house with a white picket fence, be a stay at home mom, raise my kids with a bedtime, never break the rules, put on makeup and still be athletic, have long blonde hair and graduate college. Right? How bout no. The real point of me is for me to fall in love time and time again, experience heartbreak live my life in a completely utterly awkward way and still have to find time to do the dishes. Its for me to skip the morning workout and not give a damn because I know I'm beautiful, its for me to run in the woods, fall and scrape my knee and not care that I missed curfew by an hour. It's for me to be a social outcast, social butterfly, social REform Not CONform. The point of me without you is to live my own damn life and maybe crank up the music to loud and have the neighbours complain. It's for me to move to New York, hate it there, move to Africa, feed the needy, hug the pregnant teen without any guidance, wonder what God did when and why if he did it, if he was the one. Its for me to not mention the awkward seventh grade phase, the emo phase, and the obsession with butterflys phase, its for me to watch a hell of a lot of movies, be a hypocrite, breathe the chilly air and bask in the scorching sun, have a million unspoken dreams and still have a million more I've said. It's for me to move on but not quite move on, still love you but not anymore, want you but...well parallel universe? Then maybe so. But that is neither here nor there because I'm having the time of my life without you, so sorry that you didn't want any part in it. Sorry that you missed out on the greatest thing ever but Us just wasnt right with out Reality. Instead I feel like a tragedy. Pushing past the gravity between us, I finally see Lust was your only cause, maybe I'll just move to another planet and be a wolf among the aliens, he is my sun without the scorching radiance, instead a loving variance, of I love you's and I love you too's. Not you anymore. You tried but maybe you forgot I was broken you were not. You were a boy with a few scratches not quite as much of a ruined past, didn't understand the thoughts in my head, didn't say I love you before going to bed. He does it though so you can go fuck off, I likely still love you but I built up walls with rocks,
walls with cement, walls bigger than the wall of China and you didn't have the decency to break them down. He didn't break them though. He climbed over and hid with me from the rest of the world. Listened to my words,
spoken with truth,
you were a douche,
anyways time for me to reduce
my time thinking of you.
I'm having the time of my life,
I suppose so should you,
you're human too.
Ending this chapter of my life with an I love you, but it's not towards you.