It's been awhile since I had time to engage myself with others. I've been inside of my room since the quarantine started. It really doesn't bother me, as I'm getting used of being alone and couldn't express my true emotion. I'm Rain Alejandro and this is my story.
Even if I'm getting used of being lonely, but I'm not a hypocrite so I tell you honestly. I've been thinking of finding my true love. It's just that I am so curious of the feeling of being loved and in love. But who am I goanna be kidding I can't even dress myself up and in the end I just use my white shirt and pants. I didn't even know how to use a proper hair brush as I just tie my hair up in some buns.
"Err I couldn't sleep" as I get up myself, even though the bed feels so comfortable and soft. I can't help it I keep thinking about him. His Leon I met him in Zaky, it's an app that you can meet thousands of people and you can hear their voices. Because of being shy I couldn't even say a word in their room. I just stood there in the top of the room not even going to the mic. Listening to his voice as he laughs and talk about his dog's life. How I wish I'm his dog as I laugh thinking about it.
So I get up and reach my phone on the side table and log in with my Zaky account. "Ohh my lucky his room is open." And I get inside the room app and looks like he is alone I don't even know if he is away from keyboard or what. "Hello Ulan."
"Huh?" I ask myself who is he talking with is it me? Wait right it's me because my name is Rain in tagalog Ulan. What should I do?
Uhmm is it the right time to talk to him. The good thing is we are just alone so it is not that embarrassing. "Hey I know you are there. You've been here for a week now but you didn't even say hi. Do you really think I never notice you?"
I rolled myself on the bed as I couldn't control my smile. He knows and notice me, the only sentence that keep lingering in my mind. "Hey." As I heard his voice again, this voice is the reason why I've been into him for a week now. I relax myself as I breathe deeply and be firm in reaching out the mic.
"Hello" as my small voice came out of my mouth. I didn't even know if he heard it. "Finally you talk to me." I should fight with my shyness, as I think that maybe this is the last time I can talk to him. "Hello are you still there?" He asks, but here I am being so shy to even response. "Yeah."
"We could be friends if you want and don't be shy." The genuine voice is echoing my mind. "Really?" I asked with doubt because I never had a chance to have a social friend because of the same reason. "Of course." As I hear the sound of happiness.
Days pass as we continue to talk in the middle of the night were everyone else are asleep. Leon and I had fun in sharing our different life stories and dream. He said he wanted to be a Pilot which is I'm surprised for I though he loves ocean. I thought he will go Seaman perhaps?
"How about you Ulan, what do you want to be?" Until I reach the age of 14 no one really ask for my dreams except with those teachers who keep asking a child about their dream. Because I am always alone and don't have close friends. "I don't know; I am just tired about my life." One thing that I had share to him is that I'm being depressed and couldn't find happiness in life. As both of my parents left me in my grandmother's house with their own separated family.
"Hey it's alright, everything will be alright." I found myself being deeply fall with him as he always comforts me whenever I feel so down and lose the sight of my life. I feel so complete and comfortable. I can honestly tell it to him tonight how I really feel about him for sure. As I encourage myself, this is the right time and it will be February next week. A nice time to meet up if I can say tonight my true feelings for him.
"Leon," as I deeply sigh, I can do this. "Hey what is it, you sound so serious." I blink two times and "I like you Leon..." finally I utter those words now. Finally, I can sleep at night not thinking about how can I say it to him.
No response, I waited for a couple of minutes but still no response. "Leon?" I ask.
"Rain you didn't know?" He called me Rain he is serious now, what do you mean I didn't know as I asked myself.
"What do you mean?" I heard he deeply sighed before uttering his words. "I have a girlfriend, I thought you know it. That's why I didn't even bother to tell it to you. Aside from that you never ask." It likes words scattered and as I drop my phone in the floor. "Hey what happened?" I heard him through my earphones. He sounds so worried and I couldn't even mutter a word. As I log out in my Zaky account and get down to bed.
I never knew my first heartbroken will just be happen in online.
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