Inquest

Inquest Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Holding Back

“I…uh, you what?” Milo asks.

“I killed him. I killed my dad,” I whisper into his shirt. His entire body has turned to marble, hard and alien. What have I done? Please don’t let go of me, I beg silently. If Milo leaves I will truly be alone. I can’t do this without him. I don’t want to do this without him. Milo is the only reason I don’t go back to Mr. Walters and take him up on his offer. What good is an extra two years if I have to spend it completely alone? Please don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.

Suddenly his hands start rubbing slow circles on my back again. He leans into me and presses his cheek against mine. I can’t breathe because I’m afraid I’m imagining this. Milo can’t possibly want to stay with me now.

“What happened?” Milo asks. “I don’t believe you meant to hurt him. You wouldn’t do that.”

He is probably the only person in this world who actually believes that. Even with Celia, I think she’s secretly afraid of what I’ll do. The single fact that I make her brother happy is just more powerful of an idea to her. I just wish I knew whether Milo was right.

“I don’t really know what happened,” I admit. “I was my birthday. We’d spent the day at the amusement park with my friends. Then everyone came back to my house for cake and ice cream. I was so exhausted that night that I fell asleep on the couch and my dad had to carry me up to bed.”

It was the last time he held me in his arms and I wasn’t even awake to savor it.

“What happened after he took you to bed?” Milo asks. His rough voice betrays dark thoughts and I shake my head quickly.

“He didn’t hurt me, Milo. My dad would never have hurt me,” I say.

“Then what?”

“I remember being asleep, which is kind of strange, I guess. I thought I was dreaming at first, but then I realized it wasn’t a normal dream. It was different, real, if that makes sense. Someone was calling my name, screaming at me to wake up. Then there were even more people. They were all yelling, telling me to wake up over and over again. It scared me to death. I didn’t know what was going on, but I had learned how to wake myself up from bad dreams years before. I focused all my thoughts on my real body and starting counting. Before I got to ten, the dream started disappearing. I realized something was wrong right away.”

“What do you mean wrong?” Milo asks.

“I don’t know. It was just wrong.” The sensations of that night return like they do every time I think about it. “The air was pressing in on me, suffocating me. I felt nothing, no emotions, no presence of other people like I usually did, no connection with the natural world around me. All I could feel was pain. My strength was being sapped from my body to the point that I could barely even force my eyes open. When I did get them open, all I could see was my dad’s outline against the window. I don’t know what he was doing, but the pain was so horrible it physically shocked my body.”

“What did you do?”

My chest shakes involuntarily. The terror of that night sneaks back into my heart. “I don’t know,” I whisper. “I was so scared. I tried to tell him to stop, but I’m not sure I even spoke. I could barely even move. It hurt so bad to move, but I forced myself to reach for his hand. The moment I touched him, everything went away. I was so relieved I didn’t even hear him screaming at first. When I finally registered it, his face was so white. His whole body was shaking. I tore my hand away from him immediately, but I was too late. He slumped to the ground and he never got up again.”