20 years, Ranier.
It's been 20 years and I'm still inlove with you.
20 years.
Call me delusional and pathetic, but I don't care. My heart is telling me that he's the one I've been looking for. But the feeling isn't mutual.
I'm asking myself, is he blind? Can't he tell that I'm chasing him the whole time? Is he really that numb? One day I asked him, "What if I tell you that I, Francesca Norton, is inlove with a guy whose name is Ranier Lawson, which is you?" I lost my pride and my dignity that day. I gathered all my strength just to tell him that. But his reaction shattered my heart into pieces. "Oh come on, Ces. Just eat and shut up." He said those words blandly. No reaction. He doesn't even care if I'm hurt or not. But I still love him. This is crazy. This is seriously crazy. I'm being too stupid.
After that day, he called me. He said that Ella, his workmate, said yes to him. He's really happy that he treated me to dinner. That night I asked him, "Ranier, do you really care about me?" His face went blank. "Oh come on, Ces. Why are you asking? Just eat and don't ruin the atmosphere." Again, he said those words blandly. No reaction. He only cares for himself. I concluded; this is bullshit.
Months, weeks, days, hours, seconds have past and Ranier told me that he's going to propose to Ella. I supported him and I even picked the engagement ring. I'm at the venue and I saw everything. I saw Ranier's first major heart break. I looked at him from afar. I can tell that he's hurt. Ella left a scar on his heart. Like what Ranier has done to me.
I can't help it. I came in to the room and asked him. "Does it hurt?" I said. I know it does hurt. But I think what Ranier did to me is much worse than what Ella did to Ranier. "Oh come on, Ces. You know what's the answer." He said it. No reaction. I can't help it. I'm giving up. This day came. The day where I will be tired of him; chasing him and loving him. Before I totally got out of the room, I heard him saying,
"Ces, I wish I noticed you earlier. I hate myself for hurting you. I'm very sorry."
I looked at him; and tell these words, "Oh come on, Ranier. You already left my heart with a scar. You know you can never take that back."
I said it, leaving him. Saying those words blandly.. No reaction.
~~
[c] Yenskiibels
All rights reserved 2013
