The struggle

Hey, i'm not gonna start with a fancy introduction after all this is kinda just a documentary about well...myself so here goes...

Growing up for the first 3 years there wasn't much to remember, not much to say other than at the age of three years young my biological father decided drugs were better than his daughter, my mom didn't want to be around the drugs so we moved,He never tried to contact us, so for the past 11 years ive gone without knowing the man who helped create me...my mom dated a few guys after that so then came along my little sister, i already had a brother he just wasn't exactly with us he was living in a different home thanks to CPS and some people who decided to lie to them, anyway so i was now the middle child my mom dated a few men one of which has never left my mind because he decided to beat the shit of me for no reason being. So he has scared himself into my memory.

Growing up it was just me my sister and my mom and then our step dad once he became a permanent part of our lives. Me and my mom have always been very close i would lose myself if i ever lost her. We moved a lot and im not over exaggerating either . ive moved back and forth from pennsylvania to texas a few times and i've lived in ohio but i was to young to remember. So far i've kinda shortened things up but thats okay im not trying to write a chapter book about myself now let's fast forward to now ......

As of right now i am 14 i am about to be a freshman in highschool and i live in a small town in texas.

Now again let's go back a few years,

When i moved back to texas in 2012-13

We moved in with my aunt in this amazing town called midlothian my aunt is like a second mother to me always has been always will be. We were there for awhile then moved in with my cousin amber...that wasn't easy because once again i had to leave my friends and people i finally got comfortable with ugh.

We lived in a small duplex 2 bedroom it was a tight fit being that it was her 2 kids both my parents and me plus my 2 siblings thats a lot of people in a little duplex. Oh ! and if you haven't noticed my brothers back in the picture at this point (yay!). While living her my gram passed away my best friend aside from my mother. I kept it bottled inside chose not to believed it but cried behind closed doors for months as i still sometimes do i lost myself for a while.

Finally we got our own house! It was great i loved it.

A Lot happened within the almost 2 years we were in that house. I'll make it quick tho. Before i continue let me remind you my family is very religious and not all agree with some things. Anyway back to my story, While at this house there was a boy who moved in across the street who i ended up liking but i was also tied up with some what at the time i thought were "odd" feeling for someone else but this someone wasn't a boy, she was a girl and i got mixed up he ended up falling for me but i was falling in a different direction me him and this girl ended up all being friends we were a trio you couldn't separate.She liked him and as i did too things were complicated he liked me but didn't want to hurt anyone so he was pretty much being a player at the time finally he decided he wanted to be with me but still i didn't know what was happening seeing them together hurt me and i thought it was because i liked him but then me and him went out and....still it felt the same i soon realized i had grown strong feelings for this girl....She found out and dated me out of sympathy then broke my heart a few days later but i didn't let her know that, i did everything in my power to stay by this girl's side

After a while i dated brandon trying to get away from the feelings toward this girl so as we were on our way to a football game he asked me out i didn't wanna be mean so i said yes hoping it would make me feel better but it didn't ...that night this girl got mad that i was with him said she never wanted to talk to me again i was broken my mom wasn't happy at all didn't want me in contact with her but of course she was stuck in my head so i didn't listen i repeatedly tried to speak with her she finally got over it and we hung out all of us back to how we once were, (sorry this is taking so long i'll try to hurry) ...anyway...that night we were out late on our bikes we brought our friend shelby with us that night...after riding around town we all went back to my place just for a sec cuz my mom couldn't know she was there so i said goodbye m and brandon stayed at my place and they went home....not even 20 minutes after they left shelby suddenly storms into my living room crying screaming *mariah, got hit by a car!!!* ((mariah being the girl i've been talking about)) i caught shelby as she fell to the floor crying we all jumped into the car and hauled ass to the scene shelby says that she cried for me when she was hit i always wondered why me out of everyone in the world...after that she told me she was sorry and she would never hurt me again and we got together, now here's where the struggle comes in...I was afraid of what my family would say my mom and dad didn't care but my aunt i knew she would and my other aunt who is very religious

After a few weeks i wrote a post on facebook stating that i was as you would say gay or bisexual i had comments from my aunt saying she wished i would haved talked to her and that the post wouldn't have been how she found out she came and talked to me about it ..it hurt me because she didn't agree though she still loved me, but she unfriended me on facebook cuz she didnt wanna ee it my other aunt told my other i was going to hell i avoided people like that but once they my aunt whom was religious realized i was serious and wouldn't talk to her if she told me such a thing she told me it was okay she even said that if anyone at my church has anything to say about it they can leave. My family accepted me still which was a relief. To this day my aunt still struggles with the fact that i'm gay but she's gotten use to it and our bond is mending back together.a year went by and me and mariah was still together ...again we moved but only down the street because the house was falling apart on us...2 months after me and mariah hit a year things ended between us it came out of nowhere but it put me at a depressed state of mind i wasn't myself for a very long time my smile wasn't the same my laugh was fake..i cried myself to sleep every night i thought my life was ending..after 4 months i was getting better still wasn't myself but i was doing better, You see i love very easy and i trust even easier she broke all of that for me for awhile i can't fall in love as easy anymore and i have trust issues but i've always had those only there worse now. Heartbreak is horrible its a pain that i wish upon no one on this earth not even the devil himself for nobody deserves that kind of pain....but I'm better now :) and life is good.