Strange Beginnings

Chapter 2: Backstory

The day dragged on, and after listening to the same four songs on the radio for countless hours, I finally shut it off completely. I slouched over and pulled out my laptop from my backpack on the floor. It was covered in sticky notes; my form of organization. At this point, you wouldn't even be able to recognize the fact that it was a laptop. All you would see was a big mess of multi-colored sticky notes with chicken scratch written all over it inscribing "secret" computer passwords and what not. 

"Gonna do that homework?" Stephanie asked me as she turned right onto a big open road. We were surrounded by cotton fields on both sides and the sun was hitting them just right where they just glistened. 

"Mmhm," I nodded, flipping my laptop open. It greeted me with a little beep noise like it did every time. Immediately the picture on my home screen showed up-  it was me when I was six with my old pet hamster. My fingers froze over the keyboard as I was suddenly overwhelmed with flashbacks from my childhood. 

It was in the city, in my apartment with my mom. She was in the living room, a window cracked open to let the smoke from her cigarette flow out. Even though it was raining outside at the time, she could care less as she just puffed away, drowning out me from her head as she mindlessly watched the T.V. 

I was in my room at the time, watching Rose (my hamster) run on her wheel, constantly moving but not really going anywhere. Looking back, I realized that's just how my life was at the time. Everyday came, we all got along in our own way, but nothing ever changed. We never did anything extraordinary or even just different from the daily grind. 

In the morning, my mom would wake up, pull on her robe and go out to the little, skinny kitchen. She would make her own breakfast and then sit by the T.V. until she would have to go to work down the street. Even though I was six, I still could tell my mom never felt the best in the mornings, or at anytime really. She always woke up with huge dark circles drooping down from her gray eyes and then would spend part of her morning in the bathroom, puking into the toilet. For this reason, I usually stayed in my room until my babysitter, Hannah, would come. 

Hannah was never mean or tired or cranky to me. She was a tan skinned girl who always wore her hair in a tight ponytail. And everyday, she would come to my room in greeting with a fresh plate of cookies, or a new book, or even just a new idea for a new game we could play together. She was beautiful, or at least I thought so. 

If we were counting how many hours Hannah spent with me compared to my mom, it would be a major 10-1 difference. Mom was always gone, always. Even when she wasn't at work, or had just woken up and was occupying herself by the T.V., she would be out with her friends, drinking. And therefore, she would come home drunk, maybe give me a pat on the head, and then pass out on her luxury queen bed. 

So as I grew older, I got used to the distance between us. When I was near 10 or 11, my mom trusted me around the apartment on my own a little more, and so we eventually just let Hannah go. I know she was just a babysitter to my mom, someone to do her job for her. But to me, she was like an aunt, if not my actual mom. She went and spent her time with me. Hannah really cared for me and she cried even more than I did on her last day as my babysitter. As we sat there hugging each other I remember, my mom sat in her recliner by the T.V. She had a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. 

"You girls almost done yet? I want Hannah outta here before Brad comes over," she yelled over her shoulder at us, as her back was turned to us. 

Brad was my mom's boyfriend. He was tall, dark but not handsome. Actually, back in his good days I feel he could've been very attractive. But the amount of drugs that were in his system now had completely taken over his face. He had wrinkles everywhere, even though he was only 26. His hair was receding so much he looked like an old man in young man's clothing. The one part that scared me the most of him were his eyes. They were big and nearly black, but they protruded out of his head so much I thought they were going to pop out! At 6, you can see why I was so afraid of him. 

"No don't go Hannah!" I wailed, refusing to unwrap my arms from around her waist. I buried my head in her flat stomach and sobbed. My whole body shook as she tightened her hold on me and kissed me on the top of my head. Slowly, I felt wet drops hit the top of my head and fall down my forehead. I knew she was crying, although she tried to stay silent about it. 

"I'm sorry baby," she said, petting the brown hairs on top of my head. "But I gotta go. You gon' be okay, right?" she asked holding my face in her hands and forcing me to look at her. Her dark eyes were compelling, but they were reddening and I could see she was trying her hardest to fight her tears back. 

I nodded, responding to her question. 

"Girls let's get-a-going," my mom said, still refusing to turn around in her chair to look at us. "Hannah your final paycheck is on the coat hook." 

"Thank you Linda," Hannah said respectfully, and then pulled away from me. "I really enjoyed working for you. It was a pleasure. I'll see you around." And with that, she turned around and headed towards the door. But before she left she grabbed the check and stuffed it in her back jeans pocket. 

"Yep, it was really nice having you here by my side for me. We'll be seeing yah," said my mom, finally turning and acknowledging Hannah, offering her a half smile. 

"Take care," Hannah said, waving at my mom. She looked at me one more time and then opened the door and left. 

"I love you Hannah," I whispered hoping maybe she would hear. But it was too late. Hannah was gone, out of my life forever. She was the only mom I had ever known, and as I sat alone in the apartment, with my mom suffocating me with her cigarette smoke, I felt alone. I felt more alone than I ever had in my life. 

That was a horrible chapter in my life. It was one of my first experiences with separation and at ten I really didn't know how to handle it. So I became a complete recluse. Even at school I ignored my friends and preferred to stay alone. I didn't want to get as close to anyone as I had got to Hannah ever again. I was afraid that if I did, they would leave me too. So since that day, I've kept mainly to myself.