Lost in my mind

Chapter one

I'm walking these streets alone, it's dark but I knew where I was going. My eyes close they are stinging because I haven't blinked in a while. I feel my skin tightening on my cheeks as my tears dry up. It's 2:00 in the morning and freezing I was in a coat and nothing else. I often did this I had nowhere to go apart from one place I knew to well. I open the gate quietly. Walking up the pavement and sliding into a slightly opened window. Kai's room I collapse on his desk chair his whole room was clean, organised like his parents. I stare at the little draw in his room. I open it up all the way because it had a separate part on the back like a secret compartment which Kai had his pornos, alcohol, smokes and joints. His mother and father would probably have a heart attack if they knew about it. I watch him sleep sipping from the bottle of alcohol. He looked so peaceful. I go lay next to him. His eyes immediately open "Tiffany what the fuck!?" He knew I came here I always did in the early hours in the morning. "What ever I'm too tired for this right now" no this time I need to talk to him. "Kai..." He moans "What!" I get under his covers "Wake up I need to talk to you" he sighs loudly... I knew he wasn't annoyed though "What Tiffany?" I lay down and face the ceiling "Do you know how completely and utterly fucked I am?" He nods "Well I'm more completely fucked up even more recently?" He sits up and takes a sip from the bottle of alcohol "Why is that Tiff?" I wanted to scream that I'm totally in love with him, but I couldn't they way he saw me was a friend that was a drunk, pot headed freak "well the thing is no one would ever love me? And it makes me a little sad to think about it really. I've got my head in the clouds, I'm always drunk and psycho. Plus I'm way to fucking fat too be the apple of someone's eye... And that one day your going to wake up and everything is going to change for us" he sighs again... There is a brief pause in time he drinks the rest of the bottle "Tiffany... Your a pot head, a alcoholic, a psycho but your not fat and it's unhealthy your weight your eighteen and 56 kg and any man that would pass up a life with you I would beat his head in... Nothing and I mean nothing could get be between us you know that if I wanted out I would have said so. I don't know what it is tiff maybe it's your pale blue eyes, your short brown hair and you beautifully carved face that brings me back to you... Or maybe it's none of that maybe it's because" he fell silent for a minute I would hope he said he would love me "Your my best friend and my life is empty with out you?" I let out a sad sigh and turn around to face Him his short brown hair, his green eyes and lightly freckled nose he raises a eye brow at me "Good night Tiffany" his light tired sloppy kiss is planted on my forehead . I turn to face the wall he lightly traces his hand up and down my thigh he probably knows that I haven't got underwear on he keeps rubbing his hand up and down my leg. Moving his Hand to my ass cheek he firmly grabs it I knew it made him feel good it made me feel good to have his warm soft large hands on my skin it was the least I could do for him I turn around. He is staring into my eyes I burry my head into his neck I start crying because I wanted him too love me. 3:00 he is back asleep. I kiss his forehead, neck and chest then I leave putting the alcohol bottle back in the draw.